(Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room)
Sheldon: Carbon. Hydrogen. Carbon. Carbon. And last but not least, carbon.
Leonard: This might be the glue talking, but that was a very pleasurable 139 and a half hours.
Sheldon: Agreed.
Leonard: What kind of DNA is this, anyway?
Sheldon: I was trying to design the genetic code of an advanced race of human being. One of my rare failures, actually.
Leonard: What went wrong?
Sheldon: The balls kept sticking to my pants.
Leonard: Let's just let it dry.
(Amy and Penny enter)
Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey, babe. Oh, don't slam the...
Sheldon: Don't slam the... That was exhilarating.
Leonard: You pick up your dresses?
Amy: Yep. The tailor had to take mine in and let Penny's out. Best day of my life.
Sheldon: What about the day you met me?
Amy: I stand by my statement.
Penny: Well, thank you guys so much for the clothes and the shoes, the plane tickets. You've been so generous.
Amy: Well, it's important hat all of our friends get to share this moment with us.
Sheldon: And then for years to come, you can tell others you had a front-row seat to history. Although, technically, I think your seats are in the second row.
Amy: Do you want to go back to the apartment and see me try on my dress?
Sheldon: Shouldn't I see it for the first time at the Nobel ceremony?
Amy: It's not a wedding.
Sheldon: Okay. Well, give me a minute to think of another reason I don't want to see it.
Amy: How about this… You can practice your acceptance speech while I try on the dress.
Sheldon: Ah, great. You can help me whittle it down to 90 minutes.
(Amy and Sheldon leave the apartment)
Leonard: Was Amy suspicious when they had to let your dress out?
Penny: No. She was so happy, she didn't even question it.
Leonard: Someone's gonna figure it out. Why don't we just tell people?
Penny: No, it's too early. I haven't even wrapped my head around it.
Leonard: I have. My head is wrapped.
Penny: Yeah, well... If something else had been wrapped, we wouldn't be in this situation.
Leonard: Excuse me, but if I recall, you're the one who went out drinking with Sheldon, then came home and attacked me.
Penny: Attacked you? I said, "Do you wanna?"
Leonard: Yeah. I was helpless.
Penny: Uh-huh.
Leonard: So... Do you wanna?
Penny: Well, I can't get more pregnant.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. We'll see about that.
(Howard and Bernadette’s house: nursery)
Bernadette: Now, Michael, Mommy and Daddy are going away for a couple days, so if you're gonna say your first words, you got to do it now or wait till we get back.
Howard: Somebody just peed in the big girl potty.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm so proud! It was her, right?
Howard: Yes. You still feel good about leaving them with Stuart and Denise for a couple days?
Bernadette: I guess. I just hope we don't miss Michael's first words.
Howard: Or Stuart's last words.
Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've got away just the two of us.
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah. We're gonna sleep our asses off.
(Raj’s apartment)
Bert: You really think walking her is gonna help me meet girls?
Raj: Cinnamon is chick bait.
Bert: Good. 'Cause I'm not.
Raj: Just remember, you're in charge. Don't let her pull you.
Bert: That seems like an unnecessary thing to say.
Raj: And please, if you have any problems, any questions, call me immediately, okay? She's my baby.
Bert: It shouldn't come up, but just in case: where could I buy a dog that looks exactly like her? Kidding. If she dies, I'll just tell you.
(Amy and Sheldon’s apartment)
Sheldon: Ready?
Amy: Oh. Hang on… Go.
Sheldon: "Your majesties, members of the Nobel Academy… When I was a young boy growing up in East Texas I always knew I'd wind up on this stage, and everybody who said I wouldn't looks pretty darn foolish right now. I'm talking about you, high school science teacher Mr. Hubert Givens..."
Amy: Sheldon, Sheldon. Why are you talking so fast?
Sheldon: I'm trying to get my speech down to 90 minutes.
Amy: Nobody's gonna be able to understand a word you're saying.
Sheldon: Welcome to my life.
Amy: I think you need to do some editing, like maybe cut out all that stuff about your childhood.
Sheldon: Are you kidding? Growing up in the backwoods of East Texas is what makes me warm and relatable.
Amy: Well, what about all these pages calling out everyone who said you wouldn't succeed?
Sheldon: I told them all they would rue the day. How is it gonna make me look if the day finally comes, and they're not filled with rue?
Amy: Sheldon, this isn't about ruing. This is about... Humbly accepting a great honour.
Sheldon: Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics and Peace.
Amy: Please tell me that's not in your speech.
Sheldon: Oh. I can cut it, but it's the only joke I have.
(Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room)
Sheldon: All right, bagels down. Before we head to the airport, I'd like to go over a few things… From the moment we step off the plane, each and every one of you is an ambassador for Amy and myself.
Howard: I told you these tickets weren't free.
Sheldon: As such, your behaviour must reflect the highest standards. Uh, Raj. Bagel down.
Raj: If my blood sugar drops and I get bitchy, it's on you.
Sheldon: Amy, why don't you kick us off.
Amy: Thank you. "The challenging climate of Scandinavia has left its mark on the Swedish character. These dour, latter-day Vikings are slow to warm up to strangers, but if you follow a few easy steps, a Swede can be your friend for life.
Sheldon: "Number one, in Sweden, punctuality is taken very seriously. In other words, the loosey-goosey attitude in Helsinki will not fly in Stockholm.
Amy: "Two, at the beginning and end of all business and social meetings, shake hands with everyone present… Men, women and children."
Sheldon: Yes, you're all encouraged to pair off and practice this once we're in the air and the seat belt sign is off. Yes, Penny?
Penny: Do we have to go?
Sheldon: Yes. And a reminder, Penny, there's free alcohol in business class… Don't abuse it.
Penny: Relax. I'm not gonna drink.
Bernadette: Why? You pregnant?
Penny: Wha...? No. No, I just, you know, I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please. I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?
Bernadette: Sometimes you're just... Ech.
Howard: That wasn't a no.
Sheldon: All right, well, we should head out now if we're gonna get to the airport six hours before boarding… Excuse me. Hello? What did we just learn about the end of business meetings?
Penny: Oh, my God.
(Everybody is shaking hands)
Penny: Yeah, great. Whatever. Uh-huh.
(Elevator)
Sheldon: Go on. You first. Go.
Amy: Wait.
Bernadette: Help me!
Amy: Oh.
Bernadette: Help me!
Amy: Oh, wait. Come here.
Leonard: We got this.
Penny: Yeah, get in, get in, get in.
Leonard: Hang on. I've-I've got an idea.
(Ground floor)
Sheldon: Well done. You know, you're proving to be an invaluable part of my entourage.
Leonard: Cool.
(Plane)
Bernadette: Yeah?
Howard: How you doing?
Bernadette: Fine. Why?
Howard: Well, this is the furthest we've ever been away from the kids. I was just checking to see if you're okay.
Bernadette: I'm on my second Jack Reacher. I'm doing great.
Howard: Good. Me, too. I was just looking at the map. Couldn't help thinking: we're here and they're there, and if anything happened, we'd have to go here to get all the way back there.
Bernadette: Why are you trying to freak me out?
Howard: This is our vacation. I thought we should do things together.
Bernadette: Howard, the kids are okay.
Howard: How do you know that?
Bernadette: I just know. A mother knows.
Howard: So what, now the Force is with you?
Bernadette: Let's see. This is not the woman you want to annoy.
(Raj comes to Howard’s sit)
Raj: Howard. Howard.
Howard: What?
Raj: You see the woman sitting next to me?
Howard: What about her?
Raj: Is this her?
Howard: Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Raj: Shh! Be cool.
Howard: No, that's not her.
Raj: Okay. How about now?
(Penny doesn’t feel fine)
Penny: Uh-oh.
(Penny goes to the toilets)
Sheldon: That's the fourth time she's been to the bathroom in the last two hours.
Amy: So?
Sheldon: Her breakfast was binding. I made sure of that.
Amy: So?
Sheldon: So she clearly has some sort of stomach distress. If it's viral, we're all susceptible. She's probably just airsick.
Amy: Yeah, but what if she's not?
Sheldon: What if we get what she has? What if we infect the King of Sweden? That's how wars start… All right, that's it, this is Outbreak and she's the monkey.
Amy: Wait. Stop. Be reasonable.
(Sheldon sits near Leonard)
Sheldon: Leonard... We need to do something about your wife.
Leonard: What's the matter?
Sheldon: She is clearly sick, and she's gonna take us all down with her.
Leonard: She's not sick, Sheldon.
Sheldon: She is, and I'm gonna catch it, and it's gonna ruin the greatest day of my life.
Leonard: I promise you're not going to get what she has.
Penny: What's going on?
Sheldon: Unclean! Unclean!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: Well, if we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
Penny: Yeah. Doesn't answer my question.
Sheldon: Tell me what?
Penny: I'm pregnant, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're right, I can't catch that.
(Sheldon sits on his spot back)
Sheldon: Good news, Amy. She's just pregnant.
(Leonard goes to talk to Sheldon)
Leonard: Are you kidding me? You just found out that a woman who has loved and cared for you for 12 years is pregnant, and all you can say is you're relieved that she's not gonna get you sick?
Sheldon: There's no need for a recap. I was there.
(Amy sits on Leonard’s spot)
Amy: Why didn't you tell me?
Penny: I didn't tell anybody.
Amy: I'm not anybody. I'm your best friend.
Bernadette: What's going on?
Amy: She's pregnant.
Bernadette: That's fantastic! Why didn't you tell me?
Amy: She didn't tell me, either.
Bernadette: But I'm her best friend.
Amy: We'll get into that later. What happened to "I'm never gonna have kids"?
Penny: It was an accident. I went out drinking with Sheldon.
Amy: Oh, my gosh. We're sister wives?
Penny: No. Then I went home and slept with Leonard.
Amy: While fantasizing about...
Penny: Leonard. And a little Idris Elba. I mean, ah...
Bernadette: Oh, yeah.
(Sheldon’s spot)
Sheldon: What would you like me to say?
Leonard: How about congratulating us?
Sheldon: Are congratulations even in order? I didn't think Penny wanted children.
Leonard: Well, she didn't, now she does. And just so you know, we weren't gonna tell anybody so we wouldn't upstage your big day.
Sheldon: Oh, please, you couldn't upstage us. We won a Nobel Prize. Any idiot can have a baby.
Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Case in point.
Leonard: You are a selfish jerk. To hell with you and your Nobel Prize.
Raj: I found her boarding pass in her purse. It's totally her.
(Bernadette and Howard’s hotel room)
Bernadette: Hi, Stuart, just checking in. Seeing if everything's okay.
(On video)
Stuart: Oh, yeah, we're having fun. Me, Halley and Denise played hide-and-seek all day.
Howard: Oh, that's nice.
Stuart: Yeah. I found Denise right away.
Bernadette: Where was Halley hiding?
Stuart: Uh, the important thing is she's not there now.
Bernadette: Okay, so, everyone's happy and healthy?
Stuart: Well, that depends.
Bernadette: What's that mean?
Stuart: Uh, how many teeth did Halley have when you left?
Howard: All of them.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, that's-that's what I was afraid of.
Bernadette: What happened?
Stuart: Um, well, all right. Um, Michael had a little fever last night.
Bernadette: Michael had a fever?
Stuart: Do you want to hear about Halley or not?
Howard: What happened, Stuart?
Stuart: He was running a little fever, nothing to worry about. And Halley, bless her heart, wanted to bring him his boo-boo bear, so she climbed over the safety rail and took a little tumble down the stairs.
Bernadette: She fell down the stairs?!
Stuart: She rolled down the stairs, laughing the whole time. Anyway, when she got to the bottom, there was a tooth missing.
Bernadette: Oh, Stuart!
Stuart: She's fine! She thought it was funny.
Howard: Did you at least save it for the tooth fairy?
Stuart: No, we couldn't find it. We have a theory about where it is, but it'll take six to eight hours to confirm. Speaking of which, where do you keep the spaghetti strainer?
(Penny and Leonard’s hotel room)
Penny: Come on, you didn't seriously expect him to react like a normal human being.
Leonard: No, but still, a-after all these years, after all the crap I've put up with, you'd think just this once he'd care about someone else's feelings.
Penny: Oh, my God!
Leonard: What?
Penny: Pickled herring. Who knew how good it was!
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Sounds gross. Looks gross. Smells gross. It's delicious!
(Somebody knocks on the door)
Penny: Ooh, that might be my salted cod!
(Leonard opens the door)
Leonard: What?
Amy: Sheldon has something he'd like to say.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I didn't react appropriately. You and Penny are bringing new life into the world. Congratulations. I can't wait to meet it.
Leonard: "It"?
Sheldon: That's a gender-neutral pronoun. If you're offended, take it up with the English language.
Howard: Oh, good, you're here. Listen, we're thinking maybe we should go back to L.A.
Amy: Why?
Howard: We just can't be this far away from the kids. Bernie's having a meltdown, and, frankly, so am I.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, pull it together. This is a big day for me.
Howard: Yeah, I wasn't sure what to do. Now I am. We're going home.
Leonard: We'll join you.
Penny: Oh, wait. Do I get a vote in this?
Leonard: They'll have pickled herring on the plane.
Penny: Bye-bye.
(Sheldon and Amy’s hotel room)
Sheldon: Well, I hate to say it, but I think everyone is being incredibly selfish.
Amy: Well, you would be the authority on the subject.
Sheldon: What does that mean?
Amy: Sheldon, no one is happier than I am to win the Nobel. But it's not more important than our friends.
Sheldon: How can you call them friends when they're abandoning us?
Amy: They're abandoning us because you broke their hearts.
Sheldon: I didn't mean to.
Amy: I know! You never mean to. That's the only reason people tolerate you!
Sheldon: Does that include you?
Amy: Sometimes, yeah.
(Penny and Leonard’s bathroom)
Penny: Okay, that's it for the fish. We'll be back with the meatballs after a short word from our sponsor. Oh, thank you. Leonard, I can't go home. I have to be there for Amy.
Leonard: Yeah. I was thinking that, too. As angry as I am at Sheldon, I still want to see him win that medal.
Penny: It's so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.
Leonard: If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.
Penny: Like when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a little wonky.
Leonard: The university prefers "quirky."
(Phone rings)
Leonard: Hello. Hey. It's Howard… Oh, us, too.
Penny: Wait, what?
Leonard: They're gonna stay. The kids are fine. Bernie's parents took over… Really? Oh, poor little guy.
Penny: Is Michael okay?
Leonard: Yeah, it's Stuart. Bernie's dad gave him a hug, cracked a rib… Yeah. Okay, we'll meet you in the lobby… How long is it gonna take you to get ready?
Penny: Oh, I just need, like, five or ten minutes.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: No. What is wrong with you?!
(Ceremony)
Announcer: And in the field of physics, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler and Dr. Sheldon Cooper for their discovery of super-asymmetry.
Sarah Michelle Gellar: Just to be clear, this isn't a date.
Raj: Yeah, I know.
Sarah Michelle Gellar: Then why are you holding my hand?
(Stage)
Amy: Thank you, your majesties. Thank you to the Nobel Committee. We are deeply honoured. I would just like to take this moment to say to all the young girls out there who dream about science as a profession: go for it. It is the greatest job in the world. And if anybody tells you you can't, don't listen… And now, speaking of not listening, my husband, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon.
Sheldon: What? Did you finish? Great job. Thank you, Dr. Fowler. I have a very long and somewhat self-centered speech here. But I'd like to set it aside.
All: Yeah! Way to go!
Sheldon: Because this honour doesn't just belong to me. I wouldn't be up here if it weren't for some very important people in my life. Beginning with my mother, father, meemaw, brother and sister… And my other family, who I'm so happy to have here with us. Is that Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had. I'd like to ask them to stand... Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali… Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski Wolowitz… Astronaut Howard Wolowitz… And my two dearest friends in the world, Penny Hofstadter... And Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met. He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful. And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.
Penny: Thanks, Sheldon. I-I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.
Sheldon: Oh. I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone that last thing. That's a secret. Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Penny, Leonard, I apologize if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know in my way, I love you all. And I love you… Thank you.
