(Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room)
Leonard: Oh, the... There's a 7:15 at the ArcLight.
Penny: Well, that doesn't give us much time to eat.
Leonard: We can eat afterwards.
Sheldon: I'm not gonna eat at 10:00 at night. Who am I, Hemingway?
Amy: Why do you think Hemingway ate at 10:00?
Sheldon: He spent a lot of time in Spain. They eat dinner late.
Amy: He also spent a lot of time in Florida. Last time I was there, people were eating dinner at, like, 4:30.
Raj: You guys know that Hemingway had cats with six toes?
Penny: Six toes per foot or six toes total?
Howard: Okay. It's official. We're never going to see the Avengers.
Leonard: Guys, just come on. Make a decision. I-I'm good with eating after.
Bernadette: Mm, I'm kind of hungry now.
Sheldon: Yeah, me, too.
Leonard: Then we'll eat before.
Raj: Okay. So, then, we can see the 3-D at 9:00 or the 2-D at 9:30.
Bernadette: 3-D. If I'm gonna see Thor, I want to feel like I could lick those abs.
Leonard: Actually, 3-D kind of makes me queasy.
Sheldon: No, but we have to see it in 3-D. We saw part one in 3-D, and the 2-D part two is not the part two of the 3-D part one.
Howard: He's got you there, Leonard. Or he doesn't. I don't really care anymore.
Leonard: Okay, then, we'll go see it in 3-D.
Penny: No. Sweetie, you shouldn't do things that make you feel bad.
Leonard: Well, I'm doing this.
Sheldon: And of course he is. He is a textbook satisficer.
Leonard: That's not even a word.
Sheldon: Uh, yes, it is. According to Nobel Prize-winning economist Herbert Simon, satisficing is a decision-making strategy whereby a person accepts whatever available option is satisfactory rather than seeking out a course of action that would make him happiest, as I just did when I explained what satisficing was.
Raj: He's right. No one wanted to hear at. He knew it, yet he plowed ahead.
Leonard: I'm just trying to find a plan that makes everyone happy.
Amy: Except you.
Bernadette: Yeah, Leonard. What would make you happy?
Sheldon: I could tell you about satisficing again.
Leonard: You know, what would make me happy is if we just stop talking about this and see whatever movie you guys want to see whenever you want to see it.
Sheldon: Okay. But next time, we get to pick.
(Later)
Penny: How's your headache?
Leonard: It's better. The throwing up really helped.
Penny: Mm. I'm so sorry you missed the end of the movie.
Leonard: Oh, it's okay. Everyone talked about it so much on the ride home, I feel like I saw it.
Penny: Well, to be fair, you talked about the bathroom so much, we felt like we saw that, too.
Leonard: I think I would've been okay if we weren't sitting so close.
Penny: Well, then, why did we sit so close?
Leonard: Sheldon said, "Are these seats good for everyone?" What was I supposed to do, say no, like a maniac?
Penny: Sweetie, you have got to stand up for yourself. You know, maybe Sheldon's right. Maybe you are that word he said.
Leonard: Satisficer?
Penny: Yeah, that! That's the one. Boy, sounds way more made-up when you say it. I mean, come on, when was the last time you did something totally selfish without worrying about what anyone else wanted?
Leonard: Uh... According to my mother, I took my sweet time being born.
Penny: How is that selfish?
Leonard: Apparently, she had dinner reservations.
(Caltech: telescope room)
Raj: And this is the telescope room where I spend a lot of my evenings.
Anu: Where's the telescope?
Raj: Hawaii.
Anu: That's cool.
Raj: Yeah, so, you know... Aloha.
Anu: What's that smell?
Raj: Uh, everyone has their own theory. Dr. Tibourgh thinks it's mold. I think it's Dr. Tibourgh.
Anu: So, what am I looking at?
Raj: Ah, this is live information from the Keck telescope. It's pretty interesting. So, I recently observed some optical flashes. It could be light bouncing off a natural object, but those tend to be less reflective, so could be evidence of something alien-made.
Anu: Oh, this suddenly got exciting.
Raj: Oh. When you say "exciting," do you mean "go back to my place" exciting or "hold our breath and do it here"? Mahalo.
(Stairs)
Amy: Do I want to ask?
Leonard: Oh, w... When I go upstairs, Penny's gonna make me choose what we're gonna do tonight without taking her feelings into consideration, and I-I don't know if I'm up for it.
Amy: Poor baby. When I go upstairs, Sheldon's gonna give me a 25-minute lecture about what Hulk would be like if he were made of metal. Part of his ongoing series, "What If Hulk Were Made of Other Things?"
Leonard: I-I've always been a people pleaser. Is that so bad? It's gotten me this far.
Amy: What, almost up four flights of stairs?
Leonard: Okay, if I go in there and pick something I want to do that she also wants to do, she's gonna think I'm just picking it to make her happy. So I feel like I have to pick something I know she doesn't want to do or she's gonna be disappointed. Right? What do you think?
Amy: Think I've got ice cream in this bag that's starting to melt.
Leonard: I'm sorry. It's exhausting being in my head.
Amy: Look, when you wanted Penny, you didn't care what anybody else thought or wanted, including Penny.
Leonard: That's true. Yeah, yeah, there was something I wanted, I went after it and I got it.
Amy: Now you're hiding from it on the stairs, so it all worked out.
(Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room)
Leonard: Hey. I thought about what I want to do tonight, and I didn't take your feelings into consideration at all.
Penny: Great.
Leonard: I want to have sex.
Penny: Wow, sex with your wife. You're really swinging for the fences there, Hofstadter.
Leonard: Yeah, we don't have to.
Penny: No! I like it. Let's go.
Leonard: Oh, o-okay. And then after that, we're gonna watch Star Trek: Discovery.
Penny: All right. Well, just a warning, I might be on my phone for most of it.
Leonard: That's fine. Wait, you mean just the Star Trek... Actually, I don't care.
(Planetarium)
Raj: And, with apologies to Lady Gaga, that's how a star is born.
Howard: Told you he was gonna mention Lady Gaga.
Bernadette: At least he didn't talk about how much he cried during that movie.
Raj: Although, if you haven't seen that movie, you should. I cried so much. Well, that's the lecture for today. Uh, let's open it up for questions. Uh... Oh, you! Sir, yes. You have a question?
Howard: Yeah. Actually, I have a two-part question.
Raj: Are you sure? I get the sense it's only one part.
Howard: No, no, it's two. Part one: the new star you were talking about… How long did it take that light to reach Earth? And part two: is it true you plant your friends in the audience to ask questions?
Raj: 46,000 years. And no, I don't plant my friends, because apparently, I don't have any… Uh, any other questions? Uh, yes. You, miss.
Woman: Hi. I read your paper on specular reflections. It was great.
Raj: Oh, thank you so much.
Woman: In your conclusion, you said you couldn't rule out that light flashes could be evidence of alien civilization. So does that mean you think it's aliens?
Raj: I was just illustrating that there are many unknowns, and as scientists, we can't preemptively rule out possibilities.
Woman: So you think it's aliens.
Raj: A-Actually, no, that's...
Howard: I have a question about the aliens you found.
Raj: That's not what I said, Howard.
Bernadette: Hold on a second. Do you two know each other?
Raj: Yeah.
Man: My sister was… A-and this is her term… Abducted. Do you think those could be the same aliens...
Raj: Okay, any other questions? Mm. Not about aliens? What?
Bernadette: Do you still want me to ask the one you gave me? 'Cause it kind of feels like we're past that.
(Penny and Leonard’s apartment: kitchen)
Sheldon: Ooh, Leonard, I don't mean to alarm you, but the Chinese food smells funny.
Penny: That's because it's barbecue.
Sheldon: But it's Chinese food night.
Leonard: Um, I picked it. You're the one who told me to stop being such a satisficer all the time.
Sheldon: What? I did not. I just pointed out that you were one. It's what I like best about you. Well, that and those little notes you leave in my lunch.
Amy: I leave those!
Sheldon: Well, that's disappointing. I already know that you heart me. Now I don't know if Leonard does.
Leonard: Well, this is what we're having for dinner. You can eat it or not. I don't care.
Sheldon: I guess that answers the heart question.
Amy: I-It's fine. We'll have barbecue.
Sheldon: Oh, of course. I'm nothing if not flexible. I'm sure that at some point in the 3,000-year history of the Chinese empire, a cavalryman crossing the Gobi Desert was forced by hunger to eat his own horse and roast it over a campfire, hence, Chinese barbecue. Let's eat… Gee, I'm sorry, I didn't watch the news today. Has the whole world gone mad?
Leonard: It's my house. I'm tired of being told where I can and can't sit.
Sheldon: You did this. Amy, grab your meat. We're leaving in a huff.
Amy: I'm sorry, if I don't go now, it's not a huff.
Leonard: Don't take this the wrong way, but that was even more exciting than the sex.
Penny: Don't take this the wrong way, but yes, it was.
(Leonard’s car)
Sheldon: Leonard, where are you going?
Leonard: Well, to work. Just trying out a different route.
Sheldon: Okay. If we cross the county line, it's technically kidnapping.
Leonard: Well, if you don't approve of my driving, too bad. This is the new me. Get used to it.
Sheldon: Fine. Then this is the new me, and he finds the new you tiresome.
Leonard: How is that different than the old you?
Sheldon: The new me gives knowing winks.
Leonard: Well, all these years, I-I was afraid to say what I wanted. You know, even at work, you know, there's things I want to accomplish, but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers or step on any toes.
Sheldon: Feathers and toes? Is the new thing you're trying to accomplish ballroom dancing with a chicken? Look at that… The new me is hilarious.
Leonard: Always wanted to be the principal investigator on a plasma physics study.
Sheldon: Hey, look at that… The new you's funny, too.
Leonard: I'm serious. You know... I'm gonna put together a proposal and tell President Siebert this is what I want to do. If he doesn't let me, there's plenty of other universities that will.
Sheldon: Sure there are.
Leonard: Of course you don't want me to do that, because you like it when you're successful and I'm not.
Sheldon: No, you're confusing causation and... "Welcome to Alhambra." Where the heck are we?
(Caltech: hallway)
Raj: Now I'm some sort of big joke. I'm even on some alien conspiracy blog. See? "Caltech astrophysicist finds proof of alien life''
Howard: Wow, that is not a great picture of you.
Raj: That's not the point.
Man: Dr. Koothrappali. I'm surprised to see you in here.
Raj: Why is that?
Man: Because the truth... Is out there!
Raj: You see? That's what I'm talking about. People have been doing that to me all day.
Howard: Relax. They're just having fun.
(Caltech: telescope room)
Raj: Oh, come on!
Howard: See? It's fun.
(Stairs)
Amy: Wow. Déjà vu.
Sheldon: Amy, you're a neuroscientist… You know the latest research into déjà vu suggests it's nothing but the frontal regions of the brain attempting to correct an inaccurate memory.
Amy: You telling me stuff I already know is definitely déjà vu. How about telling me something I don't know, like why you're sitting on the stairs.
Sheldon: How can I tell if I'm doing something for a noble reason or a selfish reason?
Amy: Try saying the thing in your head and see if you can add the words, "That'll show 'em."
Sheldon: Leonard's about to demand a job that I don't think the university will give him. I'm worried he's making a giant mistake. But maybe I only think that because deep down I don't want him to succeed.
Amy: The fact that you're worried about your motivation supports the idea that you genuinely care for your friend.
Sheldon: I do. Thank you, Amy. You know what? After I've talked to Leonard, you've earned yourself a bonus lecture on Sponge Hulk.
Amy: That'll show me.
(Penny and Leonard’s apartment: kitchen)
Leonard: So, I spent the whole day putting together this proposal, and tomorrow I'm gonna tell President Siebert that this is what I want to do.
Penny: Oh. Well, this... Looks great.
Leonard: You didn't even open it.
Penny: Well, no, it's got a nice, you know, science-y heft to it. I... Really proud of you, sweetie.
Sheldon: Leonard? Hmm? Um, I have been agonizing over whether or not to say something to you.
Leonard: Aw. Let me help. Don't.
Sheldon: I have to. I don't think that you should demand to be in charge of a plasma project.
Leonard: Well, big surprise. You can't stand the idea of me succeeding.
Sheldon: No. I'll be honest. New assertive Leonard is going to take some getting used to. But so did cargo pants Leonard, hmm? Who, for the record, I miss. He always had gum.
Penny: Sheldon, if this is what he wants, he should ask for it. I mean, what's the worst that happens? They say no.
Leonard: Well, I'm not gonna let them say no. If they don't want me to quit, this is what it's gonna take.
Penny: Wait, you're gonna quit?
Leonard: Yeah. It's like you said, I have to go after what I want, and if I can't get that at Caltech, there are plenty of other universities in the world.
Penny: W... In the world? I can't even get you to go to the beach, and now you want to move to the world?
Leonard: Well, I don't want to, but if that's what I have to do...
Penny: Okay, don't you think threatening to quit your job is something you should run by me first?
Leonard: You said I shouldn't worry about your feelings.
Penny: I meant feelings about things that I don't care about!
Sheldon: Now, I'm not quite sure when to jump in here...
Penny: Not now.
Sheldon: Okay.
Leonard: Fine, you want to talk about it? Let's talk about it. I-I'm not loving my job right now. And this is something that would make me happy. Don't you want me to be happy?
Sheldon: Oh, I've been dinged on this before. Whatever you really think, you have to say yes.
Penny: Of course I want you to be happy.
Sheldon: Well played.
Leonard: Okay, I know this seems scary, but I put together a strong proposal. It's good for me, it's good for the university. They're gonna give it to me.
(President Siebert’s office)
Siebert: No.
Leonard: I'm sorry, President Siebert, but I'm not taking no for an answer.
Siebert: I speak a little Russian. Will you take nyet for an answer?
Leonard: I'm serious.
Siebert: Oh. Well, that changes everything.
Leonard: Really?
Siebert: Nyet.
(Planetarium)
Raj: I know a lot of people have been having fun claiming that I said I found alien life. I want to make it clear that is not what I said. I did say that was one possible explanation. I don't think that's something to mock. Right? It would be arrogant for us to assume that we are alone in the universe. And as scientists, we need to remain open to the possibility that the truth may sound silly or far-fetched. Uh, the round Earth. Germs that cause diseases. Subatomic particles. All these at one time seemed fanciful. So who's to say what science fiction of today will be the reality of tomorrow? Will there be colonies on Mars? Uh, matter transporters? Perhaps the Loch Ness Monster is real. Who knows? I'm just saying that... The only way science moves forward is to follow the evidence wherever it leads, even if it makes us sound crazy sometimes.
(Howard and Bernadette’s house: kitchen)
Howard: Hey, Bernie, look at this.
Bernadette: "Caltech astrophysicist claims Loch Ness Monster is real."
(Penny and Leonard’s apartment)
Penny: Hey. How did it go?
Leonard: Great.
Penny: What, so you got the job?
Leonard: I did not.
Penny: So you quit? Okay, Leonard, I can't move. I just bought a six-month membership to SoulCycle.
Leonard: Well, I-I didn't quit. I said I was going to. I walked out the door and started crying. You know, "Oh, my, God, oh, my God, oh, my God, what'd I do?" And then he called me back in.
Penny: Then he changed his mind?
Leonard: He did not.
Penny: I'm really confused about how to react to this story.
Leonard: President Siebert didn't want to lose me. Even though they couldn't make me a lead investigator on a plasma team, there was an opening for a co-lead on a photon entanglement team. How cool is that?
Penny: You're gonna have to tell me.
Leonard: It's really cool.
Penny: Yay! Oh, I am so happy for you.
Leonard: I almost got what I wanted, and it never would have happened if you hadn't almost believed in me.
Penny: Oh. Let's celebrate. What do you want to do?
Leonard: Oh, please don't make me decide another thing.
Penny: Hey, you want to go to SoulCycle with me?
Leonard: Give me a minute, I'll think of something.
(Stairs)
Sheldon: Now, I know what You're you're thinking: isn't Broccoli Hulk basically just the Jolly Green Giant?
Amy: That is what I was thinking. Let's never discuss it again. Really? Are you hiding from Penny again?
Leonard: No. No, no, no. I-I went to SoulCycle with her, and my legs hurt so bad, I... Literally can't stand up.
Amy: Sheldon, why don't you keep him company.
Sheldon: All right. Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hey.
Sheldon: Have you ever wondered what the Hulk would be like if he were made of sherbet?
Leonard: I give up.
Sheldon: Delicious.
