Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room
Raj: Hey! Look what I got everybody.
Leonard: Newspapers? Did you find a portal back to the 1990s?
Penny: No. If he had that, he'd be trying to prevent NSYNC from breaking up.
Raj: Oh, please. I'm glad they broke up. Otherwise, Justin would never have brought sexy back.
Sheldon: One thing you can't get on an iPad, the smell of ink and paper. One more reason iPads are better.
Raj: They reviewed my planetarium show. Yeah. It's on page three of the Arts and Leisure section.
Sheldon: Oh, look, they still have Far Side. Oh, I don't get that one.
Amy: Oh, he's pushing when he should be pulling.
Sheldon: Hmm. I don't think he belongs in that gifted school, then.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Penny: Making a boat. When I was a kid, my dad showed me how.
Leonard: Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.
Raj: Guys, it's under “Things to do this weekend.”
Amy: I can't find it. What does it say?
Raj: That it's a thing to do this weekend.
Leonard: That's great, Raj. Congratulations.
Amy: You know, while we're bragging, The Journal of Prosthetic Medicine just wrote up the project that Howard and I are working on.
Sheldon: Well, you didn't tell me that.
Amy: Oh, it just came out. It's just a little blurb.
Leonard: Oh, well, good for you. You know, Bert and I have started isolating zircons from meteorites for our dark matter search.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, how nice. Everyone's doing impressive work.
Leonard: What have you been working on these days?
Sheldon: Whoa, whoa. Where'd that come from?
Leonard: Where did what come from?
Sheldon: I try to be supportive, and you break out the hot lights and the rubber hose.
Leonard: I just asked what you've been working on.
Sheldon: Oh, my God, let it go. Do you believe this guy?
Penny: I did it! See? It's a... It's a boat. It's also a hat.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Amy: Okay, how do you want to play this? Do you want to pretend like nothing's bothering you and blow up later, or do you just want to be a maniac right now?
Sheldon: Nothing is bothering me.
Amy: Fine. Be that way. If you want to talk, I'll be flushing my sinuses.
Sheldon: Wait. I have a confession. When I berated Leonard, it was a clever ruse to conceal the fact that I'm not working on anything.
Amy: Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say, “No!”
Sheldon: The truth is I have nothing of interest to pursue.
Amy: Well, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to take some time for yourself and refocus. I'm sure you'll find something you're excited about.
Sheldon: Thank you, Amy. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Amy: Hey, can I stay here? Sheldon kicked me out.
Penny: Well, is everything okay?
Amy: Yeah. He just wants some alone time to work.
Penny: Fine. Make yourself at home.
Leonard: Yeah. We were just about to watch a little TV. You're welcome to join us.
Amy: Thanks. I'll be right with you. I just have to, uh, do my neti pot… So what are you guys gonna watch?
Howard and Bernadette’s house: living room
Raj: Okay. Hey, uh, what do you think we should open our show with? Uh, “Thor and Doctor Jones” or “Let's Get Astrophysical”?
Howard: I don't know. I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet. Maybe “Sherlock Around the Clock.”
Raj: Great, yeah. Uh, let's give it a try.
Bernadette: Halley's napping! Keep it down!
Howard: Oh. Right. Sorry.
Raj: It's cool. We don't need volume to rock. Instead of blowing the roof off this place, we can gently lift it off and set it quietly down in the backyard.
Howard: Okay. One, two, three, four.
Raj & Howard:
♪ Holmes said to Watson ♪
♪ On Baker Street ♪
♪ Come on, Doctor ♪
♪ Time to move them feet ♪
Sing it with us.
♪ Sherlock, Sherlock ♪
♪ Sherlock around the clock ♪
Raj: We can't hear you.
Raj & Howard:
♪ Sherlock, Sherlock ♪
♪ Sherlock around the clock ♪
Bernadette: Nice going.
Howard: Sorry. Sorry. I'll get her. One sec.
Bernadette: You bought diapers, right?
Howard: Be right back… Rock and roll!
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Sheldon: Okay. Scratch paper, check. Whiteboard, check. Chex Mix, check… And here we go… Oh, dang it… Hello, Mother.
Mary: Hi there, Shelly. You will never believe who I ran into at the barbecue festival.
Sheldon: I am right in the middle of some very important work. I don't have time for this right now.
Mary: Then why did you answer the phone?
Sheldon: Because you raised me to be polite. Now stop bothering me.
Mary: Hello again.
Sheldon: Who did you see at the barbecue festival?
Mary: Mr. Watkins.
Sheldon: Really? You called me and interrupted my work to tell me that you ran into somebody you could plausibly run into? I'm sorry, Mother, I really need to focus here. I will speak to you next week.
Mary: Okay, sweetheart. I'll talk to you then.
Sheldon: I thought Mr. Watkins moved to Florida.
Mary: He did. He was back visiting his son.
Sheldon: Oh, gosh darn it, that is interesting. Was it Tommy or Joe? I bet it was Joe, 'cause he and Tommy had a falling out over that time-share.
Calteh: cafeteria
Raj: You guys do anything fun after dinner?
Leonard: Well, actually Amy came back over and we hung out. Did you know that we're both spelling bee champs? We stayed up for hours trying to stump each other.
Raj: Who won?
Leonard: Oh, she thought she had me with “appoggiatura,” but I shut that down expeditiously. E-X-P-E-D-I-T-I-O-U-S-L-Y. Expeditiously.
Raj: Wow. I bet that made Penny take off all of her clothes. Put her pajamas on and then go to bed early.
Leonard: At, like, 9:00.
Raj: Yeah.
Howard: Hey.
Leonard: Hey.
Raj: Hey. Oh, are we still on for band practice this evening?
Howard: Oh, shoot. I promised I would take Halley over to Bernadette's parents.
Raj: Dude, the gig is, like, next weekend.
Howard: I know. I'm sorry. I really want to do this, but I just don't think I have the time.
Raj: Okay. I-I guess I'll have to cancel. Toby Greenbaum will have to become a man without us.
Leonard: Too bad, you guys kill at bar mitzvahs. And other events that people can't leave.
Howard: I don't want to be the one who breaks up the band. You know, maybe you should... Think about replacing me.
Raj: Okay.
Howard: I mean, I know it'll be hard since we...
Raj: Oh, I bet Bert could do it. He plays guitar. I'm gonna go ask him.
Leonard: I guess he forgot that I play the cello.
Howard: I-I don't think he did.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment: kitchen
Leonard: Okay, I think it's ready.
Amy: Should we put on safety goggles?
Leonard: Well, the funnest fun is the safest fun, so yes.
Penny: Hey.
Leonard: Hi.
Amy: Hello.
Penny: Oh, Amy, you're here... Again.
Amy: Yeah, Sheldon said he needed another night to work, so I said I'd give him some space.
Penny: So what's all this?
Leonard: Well, Amy and I were talking about old science fair projects, and how fun it would be to recreate them.
Amy: We're making hot ice.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. It's pretty cool.
Amy: Nice one.
Leonard: Yeah. Turns out we both did this as our science fair projects in ninth grade.
Amy: Do you remember any of your high school projects?
Penny: Uh, well, I remember telling Jenny Runyon that I would teach her how to flirt with boys if she put my name on her project. I got an “A,” she got pregnant.
Amy: Girls like you are why I had to come straight home after school.
Leonard: Check this out.
Penny: Look at that. Wow, that's amazing.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. The crystallization is an exothermic process, so the ice is actually hot.
Amy: I won first place for this.
Leonard: So did I.
Penny: I threw Jenny's baby shower.
Leonard: Oh, hey, in seventh grade, I built a cobra wave. You want to do that?
Amy: Oh, we can come up with a wave speed formula, and see how accurately we can predict the amplitude.
Penny: Wow, I didn't think anything could top last night's spelling bee, but here comes math.
Leonard: I'm sorry, we-we don't have to do more experiments. Let's do something we can all enjoy.
Amy: Hey, uh, you want to watch that show you like where people want to buy a house and then they do?
Penny: No, no, you guys do your experiments. I'll go pick up dinner.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Yeah, you're having science fun, and I don't want to interfere, or watch you.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Sheldon: Did I actually do it? I did. I did. The answer is one in 18 million.
Mary: What is?
Sheldon: The odds of you running into Mr. Watkins.
Mary: Oh, Shelly. I have bad news. Mr. Watkins passed this morning.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
Mary: I know. What are the odds of that?
Sheldon: Call you back!
Threshold
Leonard: Now let's calculate the amplitude!
Amy: All right!
Penny: Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's annoying when you do it.
Penny: I brought pizza.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you. I have been working pretty hard. I-I could use a break.
Penny: What's that?
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, that is an experiment to see how many parallelograms I could draw while holding my breath.
Penny: Is that where you blacked out?
Sheldon: No, actually, that's where I blacked out.
Penny: And this?
Sheldon: That is a list of all the different types of natural disasters.
Penny: “Fire-quake”?
Sheldon: I made that one up. Which I shouldn't have, because now I'm scared of it.
Penny: Hey, I thought you were working on actual science.
Sheldon: I am. I'm trying to come up with a new approach to dark matter, but people keep distracting me. First, my mother kept answering the phone when I called, even though she knew I was busy. And now you show up with my favourite shape of food… A circle made of triangles served in a square box.
Penny: Maybe I'll just eat this in the laundry room.
Sheldon: No, no. Wait. You don't have to go, as long as you sit quietly and don't say anything.
Penny: Fine.
Sheldon: Mmm. Good.
Penny: Mmm.
Sheldon: Are you mocking me?
Raj’s apartment
Bert: Hey, you want to hear one of my geology songs?
Raj: So it's about rocks?
Bert: Better. It's about a boulder.
Raj: Isn't that the same thing?
Bert: Far from it. A boulder has a diameter greater than 25.6 centimeters.
Raj: Is that fact in the song?
Bert: No. Yes. It's sung from the viewpoint of the boulder that chases Indiana Jones.
Raj: That's right up our alley. Let's hear it.
Bert:
♪ Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru ♪
♪ A giant stone ball with nothing much to do ♪
♪ But if you steal my idol ♪
♪ I will roll right over you ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm six tons of granite and micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite and ♪
Bert & Raj:
♪ Micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite and, uh, micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite ♪
♪ And, uh, micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six... ♪
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Leonard: So, I think if we want to predict the height of the wave, we need to use elasticity theory and model the lattice as one continuous flexible piece.
Amy: This is fun.
Leonard: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Playing with Popsicle sticks, exploring ways to store kinetic energy. It's like preschool all over again.
Leonard: Except now if I eat paste, it's because I want to, not because Craig Schultz is making me.
Amy: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Is it, “Where was the teacher?” She was in the bathroom smoking, that's where.
Amy: It wasn't, but I'm glad to see you've moved on. I was gonna ask if being married felt any different.
Leonard: Oh. Uh... Not really. Sorry. That probably wasn't the answer you were looking for.
Amy: No, actually it is. I mean, Sheldon and I are in a really great place right now, and I just, I don't want anything to mess that up.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. You do remember you're here because he kicked you out of your apartment?
Amy: Yes. His work is important to him. It's one of the things I find the sexiest about him. Well, that and...
Leonard: Aah!
Amy: ... His butt.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Sheldon: And then I was thinking about inventing a new dark matter particle to evade the omega baryon constraints, but that just seems like something anyone could come up with.
Penny: Mm. Agreed. You know what's blowing my mind? Somebody thought about putting cheese in this crust.
Sheldon: I just wish I could find something that excites me.
Penny: You do understand that crust doesn't normally come with cheese in it? Okay, all right, look. What got you excited about dark matter in the first place?
Sheldon: Well, I left string theory, which I'd been working on for a long time, and everyone was talking about how cool dark matter was, and I thought, “Well, sure, I'll give that a whirl”"
Penny: So it's your rebound science?
Sheldon: What's that?
Penny: Well, not the science you spend the rest of your life with, but the one you use to make yourself feel pretty again.
Sheldon: Well, if I'm being honest, I never forgot about string theory. It's remarkable. It's the closest we've come to a theory of everything, something even Einstein couldn't figure out.
Penny: Well, if he couldn't figure it out, maybe it's just wrong.
Sheldon: But it's so elegant. I mean, look, string theory posits that the fundamental particles we see in three dimensions are actually strings embedded in multidimensional space-time.
Penny: Interesting. So that would mean... That... Can't do this by myself, buddy.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: bedroom
Bernadette: What is happening?
Howard: I was trying not to wake you.
Bernadette: Did it work?
Howard: Sorry. I just realized, now that I'm not in the band, I can focus on my own music. You know? Go solo.
Bernadette: You said you were taking a break from the band to help with me and the baby.
Howard: Yes, and write an astronaut musical. Picture this. The curtain opens. There's a lone astronaut floating in the inky blackness of space. Maybe wires, maybe fog. I'll let the director figure that out.
♪ I really don't know when ♪
♪ I'll run out of oxy... Gen. ♪
Raj’s apartment
Howard: Good news! I'm back in the band!
Raj: So, Bernadette doesn't mind?
Howard: It was her idea!
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Penny: So it's sort of like a guitar string, but instead of making an actual sound, each vibration is a different particle.
Sheldon: Precisely. And when you express it in 11 dimensions, Einstein's relativity equations pop out. Does that sound like a coincidence?
Penny: It does not.
Sheldon: Yup. That's what I think.
Penny: So, so, did we do it? Did we just solve string theory?
Sheldon: Oh. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this is not the sort of thing we can figure out in a night. People have been stuck on this for decades.
Penny: Well, decades? Really? It's-it's a string. How hard can it be? It's straight, it's in a loop, it gets knotted up with other strings. Uh...
Sheldon: Well, actually there are no knots in anything greater than four dimensions. Ooh, unless we get around that by considering them as sheets. You know, topologically speaking, that has a lot of interesting possibilities.
Penny: See? How long did that take me, like a minute?
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Leonard: Thought you were getting us dinner.
Penny: Sorry. I had to stop at Sheldon's and help him solve string theory.
Amy: What?
Penny: Yeah, turns out the answer's knots.
Leonard: That's cute, but you can't have knots in more than four dimensions.
Amy: Mm, you can if you consider them sheets. Good night.
Bar mitzvah
Howard: What up, my Hebrews and She-brews?! We are Footprints on the Moon.
Raj: Toby, today you are a man, and you will face many obstacles in life.
Bert: And some of those obstacles are gonna feel like boulders.
Howard: This first song is about the greatest boulder in the history of cinema… One, two, three.
♪ Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru ♪
♪ A giant stone ball with nothing to do ♪
Raj:
♪ But if you steal my idol ♪
♪ I will roll right over you ♪
Howard, Raj & Bert:
♪ 'Cause I'm six tons of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
Bert:
♪ I'm gonna crush you, I'm gonna mush you ♪
♪ You took my idol, I'm homicidal ♪
♪ Gonna roll over you till your brains come out ♪
♪ And your bones will crunch and your blood will spout! ♪
I'm not just a rock, baby. I'm a boulder.
Howard, Raj & Bert:
♪ 'Cause I'm six tons of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite... ♪
