Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Amy: If we're going to be staying in this apartment, would you be interested in doing a little redecorating?
Sheldon: Oh, actually, I would.
Amy: Great, what'd you have in mind?
Sheldon: Let's take every single thing from the other apartment and put it in here.
Amy: Well, how about we start a little smaller? Like moving the furniture around.
Sheldon: You know, I have always thought that this couch would look fantastic on the curb in front of the building.
Amy: Look, we can't just throw away Penny's stuff, but we can ask if she wants any of it back.
Sheldon: You know, I wonder how she feels about all this artwork.
Amy: Well, I'm sure she misses this one. I mean, it's the greatest gift I've ever given anybody.
Sheldon: It truly does capture the beauty of your friendship with Penny.
Amy: It may have appreciated in value. The artist killed himself shortly after painting that.
Sheldon: Yeah, it seems only right that she have it back.
Amy: I can't wait to see the look on her face when I give it to her again.
Threshold
Sheldon: Look, it's the same smile she has in the painting.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Sheldon: Yeah… There's hooks in the closet, I can hang it right now.
Penny: Oh, no, no, Th-those hooks are gone.
Sheldon: What happened to them?
Penny: Uh, we ran out of candy on Halloween, I was just giving everything away.
Leonard: Hey, guys, what are you...? Oh, that's here, cool.
Penny: Amy wants me to have it.
Amy: Well, it would be selfish of me to keep it.
Penny: B-But it's a picture of you.
Amy: And you.
Penny: But you commissioned it.
Amy: To give to you.
Penny: But you like it so much.
Amy: So do you.
Penny: I seem to be losing.
Leonard: Yes, you do.
Sheldon: You know, Leonard, the more I think about it, there are a number of mutually owned items in this apartment that you and I should go through… Uh, for example... Who gets our beloved sword, Longclaw?
Penny: Why don't you keep it?
Sheldon: That seems fair; we did just give you the painting.
Penny: Yeah, I don't need anything around that I can stab myself with.
Sheldon: Wonderful, Longclaw is mine. And how about you keep our... Avocado plant?
Leonard: Sounds right… A limited edition collectible worth hundreds of dollars and a thing that grew out of a thing we fished from the trash.
Sheldon: Although, Amy and I did just move in together, and a plant is a lovely housewarming gift.
Leonard: Fine, take the plant.
Sheldon: Oh, we got a sword and a plant; our apartment's really shaping up.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Bernadette: Stuart, you didn't have to get us a baby gift.
Stuart: Oh. Just homemade coupons for things you might need help with before the baby gets here. Going to the grocery store, driving you to the doctor. If you're not in a hurry, I can dig you a koi pond.
Bernadette: A foot massage?
Stuart: And that's not me being creepy, that's for either of you.
Howard: This is very nice, Stuart, thank you.
Bernadette: How come this one's on the back of an eviction notice?
Stuart: Oh, yeah. Uh, now that you mention it... Can I live here?
Bernadette: Stuart, we'd love to help you out, but this a bad time; we're about to have a baby.
Stuart: Or is that why this is a great time? Think about it… When that baby comes, you're gonna need all the help you can get.
Bernadette: Thank you, but I'm not really sure.
Howard: Hang on, maybe it's not the worst idea. I mean, he did do a good job taking care of my mother.
Stuart: That woman didn't get heat rash once with me on powder patrol.
Bernadette: Hey... I guess you could stay for a few days and we'll see how it goes.
Stuart: Thank you. And it's only temporary, just till I get back on my feet. Or the baby goes off to college, whichever happens first.
Howard: When would you move in?
Stuart: Well, uh, my car broke down in your driveway, so I'm gonna say now… But I am ready to be helpful. In fact... I'm gonna go vacuum.
Bernadette: Hmm. Actually I just did that this morning.
Stuart: Okay. Then I'll dust.
Bernadette: I did that, too.
Stuart: Then I'll check the batteries in the smoke detectors.
Bernadette: Howard just did that.
Howard: Yeah, let him do it.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Sheldon: Oh. Remember when we got this at Comic-Con?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. The Mr. Spock cuckoo clock.
Mr. Spock cuckoo clock: Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper.
Sheldon: It's one of a kind.
Penny: So if it breaks there'd be none of it?
Sheldon: Well, Leonard, you know, who should keep this? On the one hand, I love Mr. Spock more than you do. On the other hand, I care more about clocks than you do.
Leonard: So you think you should keep it?
Sheldon: I'll be right across the hall. You'll probably be able to hear it.
Leonard: Keep the clock, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Penny: Thank you.
Amy: Thank you?
Sheldon: Oh, now... What about our 3-D chess set?
Leonard: Let me guess, you want it.
Sheldon: Well, no, I just didn't think you'd want a physical reminder of a game you never managed to win. As a kindness, I should probably take all the games.
Leonard: You know what, Sheldon, take it. In fact, you can have everything. I really don't care.
Sheldon: Are you sure? These items represent our shared times together.
Leonard: Well, now they're yours.
Penny: Leonard....
Leonard: Well, you know what's gonna happen. He's just gonna come up with some reason why everything should be his.
Sheldon: For a man so good at predicting my moves, how come you stink at 3-D chess?
Amy: Sheldon, you're-you're being a little selfish. Why don't you let Leonard keep a few things?
Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.
Leonard: You know what? There is one thing I would like.
Sheldon: Yeah, take whatever you want.
Leonard: I would like to keep... The official flag of our apartment.
Sheldon: But you don't even like flags.
Leonard: Yeah, I like this one.
Sheldon: But I designed it.
Leonard: But you made me order it because you were "too well-known" in the flag community and they'd jack up the price.
Sheldon: But you don't even understand its symbolism.
Leonard: Oh, I do. The-the field of blue represents you being miserable, and the lion sticking its tongue out means I'm happy about it.
Sheldon: Come along, Amy. I know when I'm not wanted.
Amy: I don't think you do, but all right.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: lunch room
Bernadette: Stuart, you cooked?
Howard: How did you know it wasn't me?
Bernadette: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.
Howard: That's Raj.
Stuart: You guys relax, I'll get it. Have some bread while it's still warm.
Howard: It's like we have a butler. If I had a Batsuit I'd be Bruce Wayne.
Bernadette: You have a Batsuit.
Howard: It's pajamas, there's no cape.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: porch
Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?
Stuart: No, I needed a place to stay and, with the baby coming, I figured they could use some extra help.
Raj: Okay, cool.
Stuart: Anyway, come on in, dinner's ready.
Raj: Oh, but I bought Chinese takeout.
Stuart: Oh, okay. Well, if Bernadette wants her ankles to swell up even more, she can have that.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Leonard: Is the Wi-Fi working for you?
Penny: Uh, hang on… I don't think so, I'm clicking on "One weird trick for a flat belly," but I'm still seeing "Celebrities who look like their pets."
Leonard: Oh, I knew it, Sheldon changed the password.
Penny: Are you sure?
Leonard: Well, the new network name is, "Ha ha ha, now I've got you," so... It's either Sheldon or Gargamel from The Smurfs.
Penny: What a jerk.
Leonard: You're good at revenge; how do we get him back?
Penny: Well, my go-to move is usually sleep with the person's boyfriend, but I kind of feel like I'm already doing that.
Threshold
Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Sheldon, I'm warning you, I can play this game, too.
Sheldon: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth… Amy, get the Neosporin, somebody just got burned.
Leonard: All right, I tried.
Sheldon: "All right, I tried." That should be the title of your autobiography… Ooh, a second-degree burn.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Amy: I've got the Neosporin. Who got hurt?
Sheldon: It's a good thing you're cute.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: lunch room
Raj: So, I was reading how it's a good idea for new parents to take an infant CPR class.
Bernadette: Yeah, we've been meaning to do that.
Stuart: Oh, I know a CPR instructor who'll come to the house.
Howard: That'd be great.
Stuart: I'll give him a call. We met when I was sleeping on the beach and he thought I was dead.
Bernadette: Thank you again for cooking. It's getting tough for me to be on my feet all day.
Stuart: You just kick back and relax; I've got it all under control.
Raj: Although it was already under control.
Stuart: I'm sorry, you mumbled something?
Raj: It's just that they've had plenty of help.
Stuart: Well, you know what they say… It takes a village.
Raj: Well, they already had a village.
Stuart: I noticed the village couldn't find time to put the crib together.
Raj: Yeah, well, maybe the village was too busy checking out the local Montessori school for the new arrival.
Stuart: You mean the one with the empty beer bottles in the sandbox? We'll pass, thank you.
Bernadette: Do something, Batman.
Laundry room
Leonard: Hey.
Sheldon: What do you think you're doing?
Leonard: Separating my delicates.
Sheldon: This is the level you're stooping to.
Leonard: No. This is the level I am stooping to… I believe that is flag to crotch four, checkmate… Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: porch
Stuart: Hey, what's up?
Raj: I'm here to put the crib together.
Stuart: Ooh, sorry, I already did it.
Raj: Oh, I don't know if you realize this, but I bought that crib.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, I read about that on WhoGivesACrap.com.
Raj: Why are you being like this?
Stuart: Because I love Howard and Bernadette and if I want to keep mooching off them, I need to be helpful.
Raj: Hey, this pregnancy had an emotionally-needy third wheel way before you came along.
Stuart: Why can't there be four wheels?
Raj: Is this what you do when I'm not here, make really good points?
Stuart: Look-Look, just come in and help me build a baby swing.
Raj: Thank you.
Stuart: If you're hungry you can eat your takeout; nobody touched it.
Stairs
Penny: I think I'm gonna go for a run. You want to come?
Leonard: No, last time that old lady in the park kept screaming, "Watch out, he's right behind you."
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Leonard: Hello?
Theodore: Hey, how you doing?
Leonard: Uh, can I help you?
Theodore: I don't think so, but you're sweet for asking.
Penny: What-What are you doing in our apartment?
Theodore: Oh, I rented a room from your neighbour, the tall guy... Dressed like a little boy.
Leonard: Unbelievable. Okay, uh, I don't know what he told you, but you can't stay here.
Sheldon: So, there are fresh linens on the bed and... Oh. Well, now, I see you've met Theodore. Theodore, these are your new roommates, Leonard and Penny. They're very honest, but I would not leave cash lying around.
Leonard: Sheldon, what do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: My room is paid up until the end of the month, so I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.
Theodore: It's like the '40s again.
Sheldon: Anyway, I'll leave you be. I have to... Oh, oh! He's expecting a newspaper in the morning. Apparently, they still make them.
Penny: All right, Sheldon, this is over the line.
Sheldon: That's true, but had I done something under the line, there wouldn't be a man in your kitchen who can't produce a single form of ID.
Theodore: Oh, oh, I have a receipt from a blood bank. I'm O-negative.
Sheldon: And now you know as much about him as I do.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: living room
Raj: Oh, hey, Bernadette, the swing comes with two different mobiles. The giraffes are pretty cute, what do you think?
Bernadette: Great, go with the giraffes.
Stuart: Although... The high contrast of zebra stripes might provide better stimulus for a developing baby.
Bernadette: Yeah, you're probably right, go with the zebras.
Stuart: Good choice, boss.
Raj: At least my nose is naturally brown.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Bernadette: Hey, could you please go to the market for me?
Howard: Get Stuart or Raj to do it.
Bernadette: Howie, they've been doing everything for you.
Howard: Mm, I know. It's really making me lose respect for both of them.
Bernadette: Please just go to the store.
Howard: Fine… Who wants to drive me to the store?
Raj: Me!
Stuart: I'll do it!
Bernadette: Take Raj. Stuart is supposed to paint my toenails.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Penny: What do you think? Should we go to a hotel?
Leonard: And just leave him here alone?
Penny: Okay, I'll go to a hotel. Text me in the morning if you're still alive.
Leonard: Uh, Theodore, how long are you planning to stay exactly?
Theodore: Oh, thanks to the coins I found in your couch, a day longer than I thought.
Leonard: This is ridiculous.
Theodore: I like the painting. Is that your mom?
Threshold
Leonard: Sheldon, get out here!
Sheldon: Will you keep it down? What kind of vengeful bed and breakfast do you think I'm running?
Leonard: We lived together 13 years. How can you be so awful to me?
Sheldon: I'm being awful?! You're the one who went out of your way to hurt me.
Leonard: Because you were being selfish.
Sheldon: Dividing our belongings is difficult.
Leonard: Why? I said I didn't care!
Theodore: Excuse me. It's none of my business, but it sounds like a lot of this anger is coming from love.
Leonard: Yeah, thanks, but nobody asked you.
Theodore: Well, I'm just gonna keep on talking. Seems like, with Sheldon moving out, you're in a new phase of your lives and it's easier to fight than to face the feelings that you have for one another.
Amy: I think he might be right. Also, who is that?
Sheldon: I have to admit, leaving you to move in with Amy has been harder than I thought it would be.
Leonard: Well, for me, too. It's not the same with you gone.
Theodore: If you're looking for a new guy to live with...
Leonard: No!
Penny: We're good. Thank you.
Amy: So, no one's gonna tell me? Okay.
Sheldon: Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions.
Leonard: Well, I'd like that, too.
Sheldon: In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag, and I'm not just saying that because it touched your genitals.
Leonard: You promise?
Sheldon: I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well.
Theodore: Well... If we're rubbing genitals on things, that's where I shine.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment
Penny: Little lower to the left… A little more.
Leonard: Is it good?
Penny: No, still hideous.
Leonard: Well, I'm sure at some point, we won't even notice it's there.
Penny: Yeah, you'd think that, but after a while it starts showing up in your dreams.
Theodore: I think it brings the room together.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: living room
Howard: Hey, tomorrow who wants to paint the nursery?
Raj: I'll do it.
Stuart: Why do you get to do it? I'm the artist.
Raj: Just because you're starving doesn't make you an artist.
Stuart: Just because I look sickly doesn't mean I'm starving.
Bernadette: Howard!
Howard: Guys, you heard her, go see what she wants.
Bernadette: I think I'm in labour.
Howard: Oh, oh, okay. Okay, uh, uh, uh, I can do this. We have a plan. Somebody please tell me the plan.
Stuart: I'll get the hospital bag.
Raj: I'll pull the van up.
Stuart: Meet you outside in 2 minutes.
Raj: Team Baby, go!
Howard: I love you.
Bernadette: I love you, too.
Stuart: Are we hugging or having a baby? Let's go!
