Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room
Sheldon: What color would you like to be?
Leonard: Well, I'd like to be green, but you know you always take it.
Sheldon: That's not true. Any color's fine with me. Yeah, I could be a-a combination of blue and yellow.
Leonard: Blue and yellow make green.
Sheldon: Well, then it's settled.
Penny: Hi. Ready to go?
Sheldon: Oh, good news, we ordered lunch, so we can all stay here and play Lord of the Rings Risk.
Amy: Sheldon, we said that we would play games with you tonight.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we'll still be playing it tonight-- this game can easily take eight hours.
Penny: Sweetie, you really thought I'd want to do this?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Well, did you tell him that?
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: Did you say it out loud with words?
Leonard: No.
Penny: I don't want to spend the whole day playing a board game.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, you may change your mind when you hear that this is the new expanded edition which contains a more complete map of Middle Earth, now including the Haradwaith Territories.
Amy: I will literally race you to the car.
Leonard: No, no, no, come on, don't leave. Just try it.
Penny: No. We're always doing what you guys want. Just once, it'd be nice if you did something we wanted.
Sheldon: You want to be green?
Leonard: You know, they really have tried to like a lot of the same stuff we're into.
Penny: Yeah, we do game nights and video game nights and we watch movies with director's commentary.
Amy: Oh, my favorite-- George Lucas can talk all the way through Star Wars, I say one word and I'm banished to the kitchen.
Penny: Yeah, today Amy and I are deciding what we're all gonna do.
Leonard: You got it, you girls are in charge.
Penny: Thank you.
Amy: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Fine. Now that we're not playing, you can be green.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: And since you're green this time, I can be it next time.
Penny: All right, let's see. What's something fun the guys would never take us to do? Oh, I know-- we could go horseback riding.
Amy: I actually can't. My hips don't open wider than 22 degrees. I rode a very thin pony once. On the first bump... Just popped right off.
Penny: All right, well, what do you want to do?
Amy: There's a craft and folk art museum on Wilshire.
Penny: Well, that's Wilshire's problem… Come on, you know, there-there's got to be something fun we could do that the guys will hate.
Leonard: Hang on, why do we have to hate it?
Penny: Three words: Doctor Who convention.
Leonard: I-I did not force you to go to that.
Penny: You walked out of the house in a fez and bow tie. I went so you didn't get beat up.
Leonard: I wasn't gonna get beat up.
Penny: You were, but somehow I held myself back.
Sheldon: You know what you could make us do? Ice-skating. The cold air will trigger Leonard's asthma and it plays right into my well-known fear of getting flattened by a Zamboni.
Leonard: Now you're helping them find ways to make us miserable?
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry, Leonard, I'm a problem-solver, it's what I do.
Amy: I actually can't go ice-skating. I have unnaturally brittle ankles.
Penny: Is there any part of your body that's normal?
Howard and Bernadette’s apartment: living room
Raj: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Howard: Will you please relax?
Raj: I can't take it, dude.
Bernadette: You okay?
Raj: No, I'm not okay. I feel like I'm gonna jump out of my skin.
Bernadette: I told you not to wax down there… It's itchy when it grows back.
Raj: I'm worried about the New Horizons space probe.
Bernadette: What's he talking about?
Howard: Nine years ago he was part of a team that launched a spacecraft to collect data about Pluto. It's finally close enough, so this morning it turned itself on.
Raj: We hope. The signal has to travel over three billion miles. So it's gonna be hours before we know if it even survived.
Howard: Now we get to see him flip out because he's worried it was demolished by space ice.
Raj: Space ice is no joke… I can't even watch Frozen anymore.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room
Amy: Ooh, the philharmonic is playing Beethoven downtown.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, before you say yes, it's not the movie about the big dog.
Penny: How come we can't think of something we both want to do?
Amy: Because you always pick what we do and I just go along with it.
Leonard: Ah, interesting-- we're being accused of making you do things you don't like, and here you are, doing the same thing to poor Amy.
Sheldon: You should point out the hypocrisy of that.
Leonard: That's what I was doing.
Sheldon: Oh, that wasn't clear… Try it again, but this time drive it home with, “How do you like them apples, Missy?”
Penny: All right, keep thinking.
Sheldon: You're making it too complicated. Why not stick to the basics? Go shopping for clothes while Leonard and I sit in those uncomfortable chairs and hold your purses, hmm? I know I'd hate that. Leonard?
Leonard: Well, yeah.
Sheldon: Well, then, it's settled?
Amy: What do you say? Sounds kind of perfect.
Penny: It does-- somehow he managed to take all the fun out of it.
Sheldon: Well, once again, it's what I do.
Howard and Bernadette’s apartment: living room
Raj: Oh, another two hours to go. The wait is killing me.
Howard: I know. I get it. When I was in the Soyuz capsule returning from the space station, plummeting toward Earth at 17,000 miles per hour...
Raj: Before you finish, is this a story about patience and waiting or just another reminder that you went to space?
Howard: A story can do two things.
Raj: Ugh, I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Howard: You work in pharmaceuticals-- don't you have anything you can give him?
Bernadette: All I have is our new urine flow drug… Won't help with his anxiety, but it's so strong, when he pees he'll fly around the room like he's got a jet pack.
Raj: I can't stop thinking about it.
Bernadette: You know, worrying won't have any effect on what happens.
Raj: I know.
Howard: Maybe you need to do something more productive.
Raj: Okay… Ah. If I make this shot in the trash can, the probe will have arrived in perfect working order.
Howard: So, in addition to being crazy, you're resting the fate of the mission on your athletic prowess.
Raj: Yes.
Howard: The man who crashed his stationary bike.
Raj: I didn't crash it, okay? My playlist was too up-tempo, I got light-headed and I fell off… Okay. It all... Comes down... To this.
Howard: You happy? Now you can relax.
Raj: What kind of scientist are you? Everyone knows you got to make two out of three.
Clothes’ store
Leonard: This isn't so bad.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your chair's not facing the lingerie section… Boy, that's a lot of panties.
Amy: You guys comfy? This might take a while.
Sheldon: You know, I don't understand why women insist on making a big production out of buying clothes.
Penny: No, you're right, we should do what you do. Have our mom send us pants from the Walmart in Houston.
Sheldon: They have a man there who understands my personal style.
Penny: Bye.
Leonard: Uh, I've got some bad news. There's no cell service in here.
Sheldon: Oh… Well, that's all right. There were plenty of ways to pass the time before smart phones were invented.
Leonard: That's true.
Sheldon: I'll look them up… Son of a biscuit.
Leonard: Sheldon, it's fine.
Sheldon: No, it's not fine. What kind of store in the 21st century doesn't at least have Wi-Fi? I'm going to call their corporate office... Son of a biscuit!
Later
Sheldon: Let's see, my armies are going to attack the Shire from Buckland. And I roll... A five and a three.
Leonard: Okay. And to defend, I roll... Two sixes. I win.
Sheldon: Boy, double-sixes again. You know... If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it. I wonder how long we're gonna be stuck here.
Leonard: I don't know, but the girls do a lot for us. It's the least we can do.
Sheldon: Oh, that's true. I suppose it's only fair we make compromises.
Leonard: Look at you, being all mature.
Sheldon: I don't know why you're so surprised. If there's one thing I know about after living with you for so many years, it's how to compromise.
Leonard: I-I'm sorry? You make compromises for me?
Sheldon: All the time.
Leonard: On Earth? In our lives? That-That we're living?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. I... Just yesterday, you had a-a big piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth at lunch. Did I say anything? No. I compromised and kept my mouth shut. Like you should've, because everyone was laughing at you.
Leonard: That is not a compromise. A compromise is me driving you everywhere because you refuse to learn how.
Sheldon: Oh, I learned how. Amy taught me.
Leonard: What? Then-Then why don't you do it?
Sheldon: Uh, well, it's scary… And sometimes I get the pedals mixed up… But, more importantly, driving me to work is one of the things that gives your life purpose… I can't take that away from you, so... What do I do? Oh, come on, I'm practically feeding you the answer. I compromise.
Raj’s car
Raj: Hey, uh, thanks for keeping me company.
Howard: I'm happy to. I think getting out of the apartment will do you good. So... Where we headed?
Raj: If it's okay with you, I'd like to go to temple.
Howard: Buddy, trust me, you don't want to convert to Judaism… I mean, I know I make it look cool, but... It's not all briskets and dreidels.
Raj: I meant a Hindu temple.
Howard: Oh. Okay. It's not like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, right? Some bald guy with horns isn't gonna rip my heart out.
Raj: Dude, that movie's an imperialist fantasy that makes the followers of a beautiful and peaceful religion look like a bunch of bloodthirsty barbarians.
Howard: You love that movie.
Raj: Yeah, it's pretty great.
Howard: I'm surprised to see you suddenly get religious.
Raj: Why?
Howard: Well, because I've known you for ten years and you've never gone to temple, you never talked about believing in God, and last Diwali I watched you eat two pounds of sacred cow at a Brazilian steak house.
Raj: Religion is a very personal thing. I do go to temple-- I just... I don't talk about it.
Howard: Yeah, but you're a scientist.
Raj: So?
Howard: So, as a scientist, you believe the way to understand the universe is through facts and evidence, and now you're counting on some blue chick with a hundred arms to help you?
Raj: That is so offensive. Does everything you know about Hinduism come from Indiana Jones?
Howard: No. There's also Apu from The Simpsons.
Raj: Well, lots of scientists believe in God. Okay? Newton, uh, Faraday, uh, Pascal-- all were believers. Even Einstein was famous for attacking quantum theory on the grounds that “God does not play dice with the universe.”
Howard: Well, of course he believed in God-- he slept with Marilyn Monroe.
Raj: Actually there's no proof of that.
Howard: You believe in your religion, I'll believe in mine.
Cabin
Amy: How's it going in there?
Penny: Eh. Not really a great outfit for work, unless something opens up in the hookers and whores division. Hey, can I ask you something?
Amy: Sure.
Penny: Do I really force you to do things you don't want to?
Amy: Yeah, but it's okay.
Penny: How is it okay?
Amy: I promised myself, if I ever got friends, I'd do whatever they said… Really, I'm lucky you found me before a cult did.
Penny: Well, you know, that was a long time ago. You're a different woman now. You're smart, you've got great friends, you've got a boyfriend, you're pretty, you have zero fashion sense, but... Anyway, tonight we're gonna do whatever you want.
Amy: Really?
Penny: Absolutely. You name it, we're doing it.
Amy: Basket weaving at The Craft Museum.
Penny: Well, you named it.
Clothe’ store
Sheldon: Oh, here's another one. I wish that the apple pancake mix was on the top shelf because it starts with an “A,” but I don't put it there because I don't want you breaking one of your little legs when you're supposed to be making my breakfast.
Leonard: Is it my turn to talk about the compromises I make?
Sheldon: I wasn't done, but go ahead… He said, compromising.
Leonard: Because of you, I'm not allowed to adjust the temperature in my own home. I'm not allowed to whistle. I don't wear shoes that might squeak.
Sheldon: Well, you're a physicist, not a circus clown.
Leonard: Sheldon, do you realize I don't live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you.
Sheldon: Is that true?
Leonard: Yes, it's true. The last time I brought it up, you had an emotional breakdown and got on a train and ran away.
Sheldon: Well, given my history on the subject, it seems a little reckless to bring it up now.
Leonard: You have no idea how much you inconvenience the lives of everyone around you. It's exhausting!
Sheldon: You know what? You think you're so tolerant, but the truth is... You're mean to me a lot. Yeah, you think that I don't notice all those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do. Hmm? I have excellent peripheral vision… On a good day, I can see my ears.
Leonard: Sheldon, I-I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I've been holding a lot of this in for a while.
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry, too. And if you want to live with Penny, then I think you should.
Leonard: Do you mean that?
Sheldon: Yes. Yeah, just put on your squeaky shoes and... Your way out of my life.
Leonard: Come on, don't get upset.
Sheldon: I'm not upset. I'm just imagining a world without my best friend in it.
Leonard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: It's okay.
Leonard: I-I'm not leaving your world. I'm just talking about living across the hall.
Sheldon: I understand. Either way, I want you to know that... I'm aware of how difficult I can be. So I just want to say... Thank you for putting up with me.
Leonard: Buddy...
Penny: How are you guys getting alo...? What? Why are there tears?
Leonard: Everything's fine. We just started talking about living arrangements.
Amy: Are you crazy? You know he's a flight risk.
Sheldon: That's exactly what I told him.
Penny: Sheldon, we know this is a sensitive subject, and Leonard's not gonna move out until you're ready.
Sheldon: Well, what if you did it gradually?
Leonard: All right. Well... How about we start with two nights a week I live with Penny?
Sheldon: How about one night and... I let you whistle?
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: When I'm not home.
Leonard: You got it.
Sheldon: There we go, compromising again. We really are the best.
Raj’s car
Howard: Here we go, my first Hindu temple.
Raj: You see behind the fountain, that tower that looks like a pyramid? It's called a Sikhara. It symbolizes the-the connection between the human and the divine.
Howard: Huh. I always thought it was mini golf.
Raj: All right. Shall we?
Howard: Yeah. Just, uh, is there anything I should know before I go in?
Raj: Like what?
Howard: Like am I dressed okay?
Raj: Really? So every other place you've been, you thought this was fine?
Howard: I know you're under a lot of pressure, so I'm gonna let that pass.
Raj: Sorry. You're right. I'm so stressed. But you know what, whenever I walk into that temple I realize that whatever happens, it's okay. We're all part of an immense pattern, and though we can't understand it, we can be happy to know that it's-it's working its will through us.
Howard: That's nice.
Raj: Whether you call it God or the universe or the self, we're all interconnected, and that's just a beautiful... Son of a bitch! That guy just dinged my car!
Parking
Raj: S-Seriously? Y-You were just gonna drive away? Like my life isn't hard enough right now. A space probe might be destroyed, my parents are going through an awful divorce, the guy who cuts my dog's hair just gave her bangs!
Howard: Raj.
Raj: You saw her. She looks like Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber!
Howard: Raj, you just got a text. The probe turned on. It's fine.
Raj: Oh, good… Namaste, Grandpa.
The Craft Museum
Leonard: I thought this was gonna be boring, but it's actually kind of fun.
Penny: Don't tell Amy that. We'll be here every Sunday.
Amy: Sheldon, that really is an excellent basket.
Sheldon: It's not a basket. It's a soldier's helmet from 16th century China.
Amy: Very nice.
Leonard: Yeah, it looks great.
Sheldon: I saw that.
Penny’s apartment: bedroom
Leonard: Well, roomie, it's only one night a week, but it's a start.
Penny: I know. I'm really proud of Sheldon.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm proud of him, too.
Sheldon: Can you keep it down?
Penny’s apartment: living room
Sheldon: Some of us are trying to sleep out here.
