Outside the building
Raj: If Bruce Banner's driving a rental car and turns into the Hulk, do you think he's covered, or does he need to add the Hulk as an additional driver?
Howard: You really need a girlfriend.
Building entrance
Sheldon: Mailman's here!
Leonard: Aw. Remember when he used to get that excited to see us?
Sheldon: Do you have any mail for Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Nicholas: I do, but I can't hand it right to you… I have to put it in the box.
Sheldon: And that is what separates the U.S. Postal Service from those hippies at FedEx… Oh, goody!
Raj: What is so exciting?
Sheldon: It's a letter from Dr. Wolcott. We've been corresponding about my string theory research.
Leonard: Wait. Robert Wolcott? Like Wolcott's Theorem Wolcott?
Sheldon: The very same.
Raj: Didn't he go crazy and cut off all contact with people?
Howard: Yeah, he was driven mad by a friend who kept wanting to talk about the Hulk's car insurance!
Stairs
Sheldon: Oh. He's invited me to his cabin for the weekend, to discuss a breakthrough he's had.
Howard: His cabin?
Sheldon: Yes. He lives off the grid, up in the mountains.
Leonard: So you're gonna go to the middle of nowhere and spend the weekend with a crazy man you've never met?
Sheldon: Yes. Why?
Leonard: No reason. Have fun.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: living room
Sheldon: Hmm… Oh… Hmm… Oh, nice one.
Howard: Hey, Penny, that's what you sound like when you read.
Penny: Hey!
Leonard: What? He said it.
Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing?
Sheldon: I am decoding Dr. Wolcott's letter using this book as the key. Aren't conversations more fun when they're in code?
Bernadette: Yes. But I'm using a code where "yes" means "no."
Sheldon: Oh. I got it! He's given me directions to his cabin.
Raj: He seems a little paranoid.
Sheldon: He is not paranoid.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Following his instructions.
Amy: Leonard, you are not letting Sheldon go alone this weekend.
Sheldon: I am a grown man… I don't need somebody to chaperone me. I just need him to drop me off, pick me up, and pack me a sack lunch.
Leonard: Don't look at me. When the music stopped, you were holding Sheldon.
Bernadette: Amy can't take him… It's her bachelorette party this weekend.
Amy: Yes, it is… Because I'm getting married!
Penny: Are you gonna be doing that all weekend?
Amy: Yes. Do you know why?
Penny: Because you're getting married!
Sheldon: All right, Leonard, looks like you're driving me. But maybe you could drop me at the bottom of the mountain. I want him to think I'm cool.
Howard: That's great, everyone's got weekend plans. Amy has her bachelorette party, and Sheldon's gonna go to the woods and get hunted for sport.
Penny: Yeah, as someone who has to track him every time he gets lost in IKEA, I feel like I'd be really good at that.
Amy: Leonard, you cannot drop him off. You have to stay with him and keep him safe.
Bernadette: Howard, you have to go and keep Leonard safe.
Howard: Fine.
Raj: I get it… And you want me to go and keep Howard safe.
Howard: Actually, I...
Bernadette: Uh, just say yes, or he's gonna want to come to the bachelorette party.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment: bedroom
Amy: Are you sure you're gonna be okay this weekend?
Sheldon: Of course. No, I'm much more concerned about you. I know how you gals behave when the men are away.
Amy: You do?
Sheldon: I've read The Bacchae by Euripides. Drinking wine, riding panthers... Proof that girls have gone wild for over 2,500 years.
Amy: Well, I wish I could say none of that is gonna happen, but Penny is planning it, and she is the reason I own those underwear with writing across the butt.
Sheldon: Well, just be careful, and use protection.
Amy: What do you think is gonna happen?
Sheldon: I don't know. But it's going to be sunny, and you burn easily.
Amy: It'll be fine. I'm sure there'll be some drinking and some dancing, and then a mailman'll probably show up and take his clothes off...
Sheldon: Nicholas is going to take his clothes off?
Amy: No, not our mailman. A dancer pretending to be a mailman.
Sheldon: Impersonating a federal employee? Oh, where's the after-party, prison?
Amy: It's sweet that you're worried about me.
Sheldon: Well, of course I'm worried about you… I want you to be safe.
Amy: And I want you to be safe.
Sheldon: I will be. I'll have my friends with me. If anything should go wrong, I can use them as human shields.
Leonard’s car
Robert Wolcott: For most of human history, time was believed to be an objective part of reality. But with the contributions of Immanuel Kant, science and philosophy...
Leonard: When I said you should make a playlist for the road trip, I meant music.
Sheldon: This is better than music… This is a lecture on nonlinear time.
Raj: Sounds like it's just on regular time.
Sheldon: Yes. But I put it on shuffle.
Raj: This is nice. The four of us haven't taken a trip like this since Leonard's bachelor party.
Howard: And now here we are for Sheldon's.
Sheldon: Yeah, uh, Leonard...
Leonard: As Sheldon's best man, I need to inform you that this is not a bachelor party.
Sheldon: And tell them why.
Leonard: Because you're a tiresome scold.
Sheldon: No. It's because a bachelor party is typically a hedonistic blowout where no pleasures of the flesh are denied. I'm not interested in that.
Leonard: How is that not exactly what I said?
Threshold
Amy: Okay, now, I promised Sheldon things weren't gonna get too crazy tonight. Should I be worried?
Penny: Oh, just about who you're marrying.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment
Bernadette: Just come on.
Penny: Welcome to your... Bachelorette party!
Amy: Oh...
Bernadette: It's a quilting bee!
Amy: My bachelorette party's a quilting bee!
Bernadette: Isn't it perfect?
Penny: Yeah, instead of oiled-up strippers and sex toys, we thought: what does Amy like?
Amy: Amy likes the quilting bee!
Outside the cabin
Raj: Well, this place is creepy.
Sheldon: Why?
Raj: Well, did you see his vegetable garden? Heirloom tomatoes in April. Creepy.
Sheldon: Okay, listen. Dr. Wolcott is a brilliant topologist. We need to set some ground rules so that you don't embarrass me. No magic. No whining. You… Just no.
Raj: Hey...
Leonard: Uh, how come he gets to whine?
Sheldon: Dr. Wolcott? Dr. Wolcott? Dr. Wolcott?
Howard: That's a lot of locks.
Leonard: Mm. That was a lot of knocks… They were made for each other.
Sheldon: Dr. Wolcott.
Robert Wolcott: Dr. Cooper. Uh, who are these people?
Sheldon: Oh, these are my friends. I wrote about them in my letter.
Robert Wolcott: Oh, letter? I didn't get a letter.
Sheldon: Well, that's because I just sent it this morning, you know? So score one for linear time.
Robert Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?
Robert Wolcott: Dr. Cooper, if you can promise me these men share your intellect and academic rigor, yeah, I suppose they can join us.
Sheldon: You guys might need to wait in the car.
Cabin
Robert Wolcott: Well, let me show you around. This is the chair where I do most of my thinking, my thinking about work. Now, my thinking about people who have wronged me, I do over there.
Sheldon: I've always said that I should get a grudge chair. Leonard, have I not always said that?
Leonard: Mm, you have… But you were worried you'd spend too much time in it.
Sheldon: Yeah. That was a real concern.
Raj: Oh, my God, this tomato is amazing! I can eat it like an apple.
Robert Wolcott: My secret is I fertilize it with my own manure.
Howard: The look on your face.
Leonard: It's a sort of grin. You want to know what kind?
Sheldon: So, Dr. Wolcott, in your letter, you said you had a new mathematical approach that would help me conceptualize the dimensions in string theory?
Robert Wolcott: Uh, yes, yes, yes, yes. But before we get started, I am going to need to collect everybody's phone. Yeah.
Leonard: Oh. Why?
Robert Wolcott: Because they're little listening devices, aren't they? Yes, for people to spy on you and steal your work.
Howard: Yeah, what happened to the good old days where if someone wanted to steal your work, they had to hire a prostitute to seduce you?
Robert Wolcott: Who told you about that?
Howard: Just making a joke.
Robert Wolcott: Yeah, it's not funny when it happens. All right, now, you're probably going to want to start with this notebook here.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, my.
Robert Wolcott: Here we are.
Sheldon: Oh... Um... No offense, Dr. Wolcott, but I'm not sure this makes any sense.
Robert Wolcott: That's because I've written it all backwards.
Sheldon: You... Wow. That's "wow" backwards… Hmm. You know... I still don't get it.
Robert Wolcott: Well, plus the numbers are letters and the letters are numbers.
Sheldon: Oh. I love him.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: living room
Penny: Are you having fun?
Amy: Yeah. I just, uh, finished sewing this top to bottom. Now I'm gonna sew it side to side.
Bernadette: Pace yourself. Some more tea?
Penny: Oh, lovely.
Bernadette: Oh.
Amy: Seriously? What the hell?
Penny: Huh?
Bernadette: What?
Amy: This is my bachelorette party, tea and quilts?
Penny: Well, you said you didn't want anything crazy.
Amy: Yes, but I said it like, "I don't want anything crazy." Which clearly means I wanted something crazy. I mean, is this how boring you think I am?
Bernadette: Penny, she asked you a question.
Penny: Of course not.
Amy: So you thought that I would like quilting?
Penny: Well, don't you?
Amy: Of course I like quilting! It's the slowest way to make a blanket! But this is my bachelorette party! It's supposed to be fun and wild and full of bad decisions.
Bernadette: Hey, we can make bad decisions.
Penny: Yeah. She had two kids back-to-back and I thought you'd like this, so we're off to a good start.
Bernadette: Come on, let's go somewhere we can do body shots off shirtless bartenders.
Penny: Yes.
Amy: I don't know. That might be too much.
Penny: All right, you know what, why don't we stay home, have a little wine...
Amy: What are you not getting about this?!
Cabin
Sheldon: Dr. Wolcott, your work on time is revolutionary.
Robert Wolcott: I would say thank you, but, in my theory of time, you've already called my work revolutionary, I've already thanked you, and I hate repeating myself, so let's move on.
Leonard: Wait a minute, are-are you saying that time has multiple dimensions, the same as space?
Robert Wolcott: No. No, I'm not saying it… The math is saying it. Though it is the math that I invented, so, yes, I guess I am saying it.
Raj: You understanding any of this?
Howard: I haven't understood anything since poop tomato.
Sheldon: My goodness, this is incredible.
Robert Wolcott: See, I-I'm just not seeing where string theory fits into all this, and that's where I think that you and I could be of help to each other.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd be honoured.
Robert Wolcott: All right. Allow me to show you my most recent journal.
Raj: Sheldon's right. This guy, this guy's brilliant.
Howard: Yeah, I mean, he's a little... Kooky, but a mind that can reconceptualize time probably has a reason for keeping a jar of toenail clippings that we just don't understand.
Leonard: I could spend months up here just going through his math.
Raj: I think Sheldon might.
Howard: Great. Who's gonna tell Amy we lost her fiancé to a madman in the mountains?
Leonard: Hey, I drove.
Bar
Amy: This is so exciting. Can we do a body shot? I've always wanted to do a body shot. Also, what's a body shot?
Penny: It's when you take a drink out of a stranger's belly button.
Amy: Ew. No, thanks. What if they have an outie? Does it just spill everywhere?
Penny: Okay, look, we've got all night. Let's just take it easy. We can...
Amy: I'm getting married!
Bartender: Here you go. First round is on the house.
Penny: Ooh.
Bernadette: Hey there. Do you do body shots?
Penny: Oh, she said she didn't want one.
Bernadette: Mind your business.
Amy: Cheers!
Later
Bernadette: Amy? Amy? Should we get her home?
Penny: Why? She's sound asleep, and we have sliders coming.
Bernadette: One more round!
Cabin
Sheldon: So, how would this work in the context of a singularity?
Robert Wolcott: Yes, that's-that's a tricky bit to explain. I assume you're familiar with non-abelian group theory.
Sheldon: Oh, and how. You never forget your first group theory.
Robert Wolcott: Listen, I'm gonna put on a pot of coffee, because there is a lot of math to go through.
Howard: And he said he didn't want a wild bachelor party.
Robert Wolcott: Excuse me?
Leonard: Oh, uh, Sheldon's getting married in a month.
Robert Wolcott: Oh! Congratulations. Yeah, I'm a married man myself.
Leonard: Oh, really? Is she here?
Howard: And alive?
Raj: A-And can people other than you see her?
Robert Wolcott: She lives in Munich. It's a perfect marriage. We focus on our work and send each other cards every year on our birthdays. Hey, wait, what-what month is it?
Leonard: Uh, April.
Robert Wolcott: Most years. The point is we give each other space. I give her Europe, she gives me South America. That's where she thinks I'm living.
Sheldon: I-I've never considered a long-distance marriage.
Robert Wolcott: Well, listen, if you want to be a great scientist, you can't afford to be distracted. Hey, where are my manners? You fellas must be hungry. Do you like rabbit?
Leonard: Yeah. Sure.
Raj: Sounds good.
Robert Wolcott: Okay. But can you tell the difference between rabbit and squirrel?
Leonard: No.
Howard: Don't think so.
Raj: Probably not.
Robert Wolcott: Great! We're having rabbit. Be right back!
Sheldon: It is amazing how much he's accomplished by isolating himself from the distractions of day-to-day life.
Leonard: Okay, please don't tell me you want to live like this.
Sheldon: See, that's the strange thing. I don't. What is wrong with me? Why don't I want this? Look at how cool it all is.
Howard: Nothing is wrong with you. You have friends, you have a fiancée, you have a full life.
Sheldon: You know what, you're right. Thank you for bringing me up here. But I think I'm ready to go home now.
Raj: Really? You don't want to stay for dinner and talk more science?
Sheldon: No. No, we better go. I miss Amy. And my phone… Also, I'm from Texas, and I can taste the difference between rabbit and squirrel.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: living room
Amy: Oh, oh, oh, oh !
Penny: Oh, look who's back!
Bernadette: There she is!
Amy: What happened? How did we get here?
Bernadette: You don't remember anything?
Amy: I remember taking some shots, and then... That's it. Oh, my gosh, did I pass out?
Bernadette: You kind of did.
Amy: At my own bachelorette party? I'm so lame.
Penny: Well, you didn't pass out before you did all kinds of fun stuff.
Amy: What did I do?
Bernadette: What did you do? What'd she do?
Penny: Um... Well, you don't remember Riverdancing on top of the bar?
Amy: I did that?
Bernadette: Yeah, you did!
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Amy: But I don't know how to Riverdance.
Penny: Didn't stop you from teaching all those shirtless firemen.
Amy: I saw shirtless firemen?
Penny: Saw, smelled, slid down like a pole.
Amy: Did I flash anybody?
Bernadette: How about everybody?
Amy: I can't believe it. I'm so embarrassed. You didn't take any pictures, did you?
Bernadette: Oh, no, we would never do that to you.
Penny: Yeah. But if there were pictures, they would be crazy.
Amy: You guys are good friends.
Penny: Mm.
Cabin
Robert Wolcott: Dinner! Guys? I can't believe they left without saying good-bye. Wait a minute, what if they stole my work? Wait a minute! What if they were never here at all? Wait a minute! What if they haven't gotten here yet but they're on their way?! I better tidy up.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Welcome back. How'd it go?
Sheldon: Well, Dr. Wolcott's theories of time might save my new interpretation of string theory.
Amy: Oh, well, that's exciting.
Sheldon: It is. How was your bachelorette party?
Amy: Well, I was in a bar, and I saw some shirtless men. They were firemen, and they fought over me. But Penny and Bernadette got me out of there before the victor got my spoils.
Sheldon: I see.
Amy: What's the matter? You look glum.
Sheldon: Amy, would you still love me if I wasn't who you thought I was?
Amy: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: Well, what if it turns out I'm not the single-minded, science-obsessed recluse who puts his work above everything and everybody else that you fell in love with?
Amy: What if I'm not the straightlaced, buttoned-up, quilting queen you thought I was? What if I'm a... Riverdancing wild woman?
Sheldon: I'd still love you.
Amy: I'd still love you, too.
Sheldon: Do you really know how to Riverdance?
Amy: You tell me.
Sheldon: I'm the only man you do that for.