Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Sheldon: All right, we're about to go live. Everyone on their A-game! Good energy!
Fun with Flags
Sheldon: Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Amy: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: And welcome to a special retrospective, where we will take a look back at the history of Fun with Flags on an episode we're calling...
Amy & Sheldon: “Fun with Flags: Behind the Flags: A Retrospective.”
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span
Howard: For information and entertainment
Raj: That's equally effective ♪
Howard:& Raj: It's fun with flags. Behind the flags. A retrospective. Flags.
Sheldon: Mind you, when we say “behind the flags” we don't literally mean these flags. That's just where we have dinner.
Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. H-Howard. Flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.
Video
Sheldon: So tell us in your own words about that magical moment when Fun with Flags was born.
Leonard: I honestly don't remember.
Sheldon: Sure you do. I was telling you both the story about how Haiti and Lichtenstein discovered they had the same flag. It was at the Summer Olympics of 1936, and two plucky nations...
Penny: Oh, wait. I remember.
Sheldon: Oh, and do you remember what you said?
Penny: Yes. “Please find someone who cares”
Sheldon: And that's exactly what I did.
Fun with Flags
Sheldon: I found a lot of someones.
Amy: Almost 200. Many of them on purpose.
Sheldon: And now we're going to turn it over to you, the viewers, to call in and share your favourite Fun with Flags moments.
Amy: And-and don't get discouraged if the phone lines are jammed. Just keep trying… Oh, thank God! Welcome to Fun with Flags!
Bert: Hey, Sheldon. Hey, Amy. It's Bert.
Sheldon: Hello, Bert. What is your flag-related comment or query?
Bert: I have a girlfriend.
Amy: And what does that have to do with flags?
Bert: Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend.
Sheldon: Bert, you're tying up the line. My apologies to all of you trying to call in with legitimate flag comments.
Amy: Ooh, ooh. All right. W-We have our next caller.
Bert: Her name's Rebecca.
Howard’s car
Howard: Should we get lunch or you want to eat at the zoo? “Oh, Howie, I don't need food as long as I can look at my phone”.
Bernadette: I don't like when you imitate me.
Howard: You want to hear my Stuart? “It's been a while since I've gone on a date. You mind if we watch the monkeys doing it?”
Stuart: I said that to you in confidence.
Howard: This is supposed to be our family fun day. What's so important on your phone?
Bernadette: I'm on the day care's Web site.
Howard: Stop looking at that. The day care's great. It's on campus. My office is two minutes away. There's nothing to worry about.
Bernadette: What if she likes the people who work there more than us?
Howard: She already likes soap bubbles more than us.
Bernadette: When I go back to work, we're gonna leave her with these people. We don't know anything about them.
Howard: They're highly-trained educators with background checks. They're even required to be current on all vaccinations.
Stuart: You leave her with me, and I'm not any of those things.
Caltech: cafeteria
Sheldon: Where's Howard?
Raj: He took the day off.
Sheldon: Oh, let's take advantage of his absence and tell the kinds of jokes only physicists get. I'll go first… Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. And the policeman says, “Did you know you were going 85 miles per hour?” And Heisenberg says, “Darn it, now I don't know where I am.”
Leonard: So Howard back Monday?
Raj: Yeah.
Bert: Hey, guys.
Sheldon: Oh, hello.
Leonard: Hey. Want to join us?
Sheldon: But he's a geologist, and I have more physics jokes.
Raj: Oh, quick! Sit!
Leonard: So, Sheldon says you have a new girlfriend.
Sheldon: Yeah, which he rudely announced on my flag show. People were so upset about it no one else called in the rest of the night.
Bert: Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I guess I just love love.
Raj: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Leonard: Hey, we're all having dinner tonight. Why don't the two of you join us?
Sheldon: Yeah, wh… Hold on. We don't know anything about this woman.
Bert: What do you want to know?
Sheldon: Is she a geologist?
Bert: No.
Sheldon: Oh, great. See you at 7:00.
Zoo
Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.
Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months, so I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.
Howard: Me I get, but that sloth is pretty cute.
Bernadette: It's not just the sloth. Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months. The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night. And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!
Stuart: Told you we should have gone to Legoland.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: kitchen
Raj: Can't believe Bert has a girlfriend and I don't.
Amy: I thought you were taking a break from women to focus on your career.
Raj: Oh, grow up.
Leonard: Don't you have any friends he can date?
Penny: Hey, I already set up Howard and Bernadette. It's your turn to ruin some poor girl's life.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: living room
Raj: Oh, hey, guys. Come in.
Bert: Thanks. Everyone, this is Rebecca.
Rebecca: Hi.
All: Hey.
Sheldon: She's younger and far more attractive than he is. They're copying you two.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Howard: What are you making?
Stuart: Chicken. Birds mess with my hair, I come back hard.
Howard: Finally get Halley down?
Bernadette: Yeah, eventually. She's still not happy about taking a bottle, though.
Howard: Look, if you're not ready to go back to work, we'll figure something out.
Bernadette: No, I'll be fine.
Stuart: It might be good for her. Howard's mother was around him all the time, and he's a world-class mama's boy.
Howard: I mean, wh-why would you say that?
Stuart: Go ahead, have a tantrum; that'll prove me wrong.
Bernadette: It would be nice to raise Halley to be a little more independent than you were.
Howard: I guess. It wasn't until college that I learned you can put a thermometer in your mouth.
Stuart: On that charming note, dinner is served.
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: living room
Penny: So is this your first time dating a scientist? 'Cause I'm thinking of starting a support group.
Rebecca: Actually, I'm not new to this. I was engaged to a Scientologist.
Sheldon: Bert, Rebecca. I'd like to apologize for my insensitive comment earlier.
Rebecca: Don't worry about it. It's fine.
Sheldon: See? It was fine. I didn't need a time-out.
Amy: It wasn't a time-out. Let's get some food.
Sheldon: You made me sit on the stairs and think about what I did.
Amy: Get your food!
Raj: So how did you two meet?
Rebecca: Oh, it's such a cute story. We met on a dating Web site.
Leonard: Is that it?
Rebecca: Oh, sorry. The end.
Raj: That's nice. I haven't had much success meeting people online.
Bert: I didn't either, until I revamped my profile.
Sheldon: What'd you do, delete your photo?
Amy: Go.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: And don't you slam that door.
Sheldon: Aw, man.
Rebecca: Did I say something wrong?
Leonard: No, it's always him.
Penny: So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
Bert: Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, “Recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner”, and five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
Amy: I was wrong. You can come back in.
Later
Leonard: So, Rebecca, how did you become a personal trainer?
Rebecca: I came to Los Angeles to be an actress, and things didn't really work out.
Sheldon: I'd say she's copying you again, but... I'm getting tired of sitting in the hall.
Raj: I'd love a personal trainer. I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.
Rebecca: I could give you some free sessions.
Penny: Oh, is that offer for everybody?
Leonard: Nice try. I'm not going.
Rebecca: Where's your bathroom?
Leonard: Mm, just down there.
Bert: She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real. And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.
Penny: Aw, that's so weird.
Amy: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?
Bert: She better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat-screen.
Sheldon: Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?
Penny: You know, on our first date, Leonard used a coupon to buy me a pretzel.
Leonard: And we lived happily ever after.
Penny: The end.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Bernadette: Well, guess I'm ready to go.
Howard: Have a great first day back.
Bernadette: You have everything she needs for day care?
Stuart: Yep, all in the bag.
Bernadette: Good. Okay, sweetie, mommy's gonna go to work now, so you have fun today.
Howard: I told her if day care is anything like prison, find the biggest baby and knock him out.
Stuart: Bye, cutie. I'm gonna miss you… I'm gonna be waiting right here tonight when you get home.
Bernadette: Stop, you're gonna make me cry.
Howard: Great, now everybody's crying.
Stuart: At least Halley's not.
Howard: That's good.
Bernadette: She's not gonna see us all day, and she doesn't even care!
Caltech: cafeteria
Sheldon: Who's ready to laugh?
Leonard: Oh.
Sheldon: Okay. So... Feynman, Einstein and Schrodinger walk into a bar. Feynman says, “It appears we're inside a joke.”Einstein replies, “But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously.” To which Schrodinger says, “If someone's looking in the window, I'm leaving.”
Leonard: That's actually funny.
Raj: You should send that to Jimmy Fallon.
Bert: Hey.
Sheldon: Oh, hello.
Leonard: Join us.
Raj: Hey, sorry if last night was awkward.
Bert: Actually, it got me thinking that I shouldn't flaunt my money to find love. I might break up with Rebecca.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Raj: I think it shows a lot of character.
Bert: I'm gonna hold out and see if I can find a hot young blonde who likes me for me.
Sheldon: That's a good one… Okay, now, Leonard, you tell a joke.
Day-care
Bernadette: How's she doing?
Howard: She's great. Look.
Bernadette: I see a wall... Floor... Some Asian baby... There she is.
Howard: See? Nothing to worry about.
Bernadette: Thank you. Okay, I'm gonna try and get some work done.
Howard: Yeah, me, too. Love you.
Bernadette: Love you, too. Bye.
Stuart: How is she?
Howard: What are you doing here?
Stuart: Can't a guy hang out at a college he doesn't go to and stare at a baby that isn't his?
Howard: I get it. I haven't even made it to my office yet.
Stuart: Is it weird if we just stand here and watch her all day?
Howard: Probably… We should go.
Stuart: Yeah… Or we could take her to the aquarium.
Howard: I'll get her, you grab her bag.
Stuart: Hang on, Halley, we're busting you out of there!
Leonard and Penny’s apartment: living room
Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it “the longest one yet”
Bert: Hello? Anybody home?
Leonard: Is that Bert?
Bert: It's Bert.
Penny: I think it's Bert.
Raj: Hey, what's up?
Bert: I broke up with Rebecca.
Penny: Oh.
Amy: Oh. You know, good for you.
Bert: No, I miss her. I don't know why I listened to you.
Sheldon: He's not wrong. It was your crackpot idea that he deserves love.
Amy: You know, you need to start raising your hand before you speak… Yes, starting now.
Penny: Bert, you're a good guy; you deserve a woman who's interested in more than just your money.
Bert: She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear. Now the only one doing that is me.
Leonard: If you're that upset, go get her back.
Bert: I tried. She's not answering my calls. Which really hurts because I bought her that phone… I made a huge mistake.
Raj: No, you didn't. Okay? Look, Bert, when I had money, I dated lots of girls who weren't right for me. And then I gave up my money, and now I'm alone and living with my friends, and somebody else should probably talk now.
Penny: Look, sweetie, relationships aren't about money, okay? It's about respect and having things in common and... Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: You and Leonard don't have anything in common. Maybe you should break up.
Leonard: You called on him.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Stuart: Guess who's home from day care?
Howard: It's Halley. Unless somebody else put an “X” on the bottom of their kid's foot.
Bernadette: You realize they called when you took her.
Howard: Guess who's home from the aquarium?
Leonard and Penny’s apartment
Bert: Sorry again for barging in.
Leonard: You don't have to go. You're welcome to hang with us.
Sheldon: Actually, our friendship group is at capacity. But if anybody drops out, you're at the top of the list… Unless it's Raj, in which case, we'll probably get a person of colour.
Bert: You guys are nice, but I'm just gonna buy Rebecca a Jet Ski and see if that gets her back.
Raj: I feel bad for Bert.
Sheldon: So he's using his money to attract a mate. Is that any different than me using my intelligence to attract Amy? Or Leonard using his power of grovelling to get Penny?
Leonard: It's totally different. Bert's money might run out, but I can beg until the end of time.
Penny: All that and he's shorter than me.
Raj: Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?
Sheldon: Oh, so many things. Her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.
Raj: Really?
Amy: Relax. We're the same blood type. He knew he could harvest an organ.
Day-care
Howard: She does look happy.
Bernadette: See? This is the right thing for her. Let's all just go to work.
Stuart: Anytime.
Bernadette: Let me just say good-bye. Halley. Look at Mommy… Over here, honey… Say good-bye to Mommy! Look at me! Look at your mother! All right, we can go.
Fun with Flags
Sheldon: Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Amy: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: Based on the glowing reception of our recent Behind the Flag retrospective, we thought you might like to see how it all came together.
Amy: So welcome to tonight's episode...
Sheldon & Amy: Fun with Flags: Behind the Behind the Flags: A Retrospective Retrospective.
Sheldon: Ooh, we already have our first call.
Amy: Oh. Hello, you're on Fun with Flags.
Bert: The Jet Ski worked. I got her back.
