Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room
Sheldon: Interesting… Okay.
Raj: How bad is it?
Sheldon: Let me put it this way… Do you own a barrel and suspenders?
Raj: Are you serious?
Sheldon: I'm not wearing this visor to play women's golf.
Penny: Hi… Oh, let me guess. You guys are drafting your fantasy accounting firms.
Leonard: We're helping Raj figure out his finances.
Penny: Well, he has a job. How bad can it be?
Sheldon: Well, his rent and car lease are exceedingly high. You couple that with his penchant for dining out and shopping...
Penny: Wait, wait, not shopping for clothes, right? Because look.
Sheldon: He also has a remarkable amount of credit card debt.
Howard: I thought your dad paid your cards.
Raj: I have a card for emergencies that I pay for myself.
Sheldon: What emergency happened at the L.A. Zoo?
Raj: That's a penguin I sponsor… They're losing their homes to global warming, and my car gets, like, seven miles a gallon, so I felt bad.
Leonard: What is Pink Cheeks?
Raj: It's intimate waxing. Quit looking at that!
Leonard: Maybe you should find someone to help you get your finances under control.
Raj: Like a business manager?
Sheldon: No, absolutely not. You can't afford to hire someone who'll forbid you from spending your money on foolish expenses. That is a foolish expense, and I forbid it.
Howard: What if there's someone who just likes controlling other people and stealing joy from their lives?
Sheldon: He sounds like a sociopath.
Leonard: We don't know, his mother never had him tested.
Sheldon: You're talking about me. Very funny. Although I would enjoy drawing up a budget and forcing Raj to adhere to it without an ounce of compassion.
Penny: Wait, wait, who's gonna break it to the penguin?
Raj: Okay, Sheldon. Yeah, I'm putting you in charge of my finances. I will not spend another penny that you don't authorize.
Sheldon: Very well. Hey, Comic-Con tickets go on sale this Friday. You can't buy one.
Howard: Oh, better luck next time, Pink Cheeks.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Amy: You're actually going to Comic-Con?
Penny: Well, Leonard wants me to do more stuff like that with him, so I thought maybe this year I'd tag along.
Amy: Well, that's sweet. I bet you'll have fun.
Penny: So, do you want to come?
Amy: No, thanks. I already live in a place all the nerds come to.
Penny: Please? I went to your boring thing last month.
Amy: My aunt's funeral?
Penny: Come on, even you checked your e-mail during the eulogy.
Amy: Well, I'm not going, but I do think it's nice you want to.
Penny: It's not that I want to go, I just think it'll make Leonard happy. And if I have to watch him squeeze into an Ewok costume, so be it.
Amy: Look at you, going to Comic-Con, talking about Ewoks. I really have become the cool one around here.
Comic Book Center
Howard: You actually think Penny will have fun at Comic-Con?
Leonard: No. Which will make me miserable, which is usually Sheldon's job.
Sheldon: She's gonna hate waiting in line for the panels.
Howard: She's gonna hate all the crowds at the panels.
Sheldon: She's gonna hate the panels.
Leonard: She's gonna hate how often we say the word "panels."
Howard: Why don't you just tell her not to come?
Leonard: Well, she's so excited, I can't do that to her.
Howard: What if you make it sound so bad she won't want to go?
Leonard: That I would do to her.
Raj: I can't believe Penny's gonna get to go, and I'm not.
Sheldon: You can always watch the panels online. Oh, boy, we do say that a lot.
Stuart: Panels… Just wanted to be included.
Raj: Come on, Sheldon, it's Comic-Con. Just let me have the money for this, and I won't ask for anything else.
Sheldon: You put me in charge of your finances. If you wanted someone weak and spineless you could walk all over, you should have asked Leonard.
Leonard: See? Miserable.
Raj: Okay, you're right, I got myself into this, but I've never missed a Comic-Con with you guys.
Sheldon: Your father may have spoiled you, but I won't. If you want a ticket to Comic-Con, I suggest you figure out a way to earn the money yourself.
Howard: Yeah, you're a grown man who's highly educated. You could charge people money to punch you.
Raj: Go ahead, make jokes. I don't know why you think you're going to Comic-Con… You just had a baby.
Howard: So?
Raj: Well, so? So you think Bernadette's just gonna let you jet down to San Diego for five days and leave her alone?
Leonard: Hang-hang on. So I have to bring Penny, you can't afford it, Howard's gonna get in trouble, and this guy gets to have a great time.
Sheldon: I'm gonna go as Dumbledore.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Howard: Mm... How's my favourite girl?
Bernadette: Okay.
Howard: What you doing?
Bernadette: Making lasagna.
Howard: Oh, she's sexy, she can cook. I'm such a lucky guy.
Bernadette: You want something stupid, or you did something stupid?
Howard: No. I just walked in here, saw how beautiful you are and had to tell you.
Bernadette: Oh, dear God, you're cheating on me with Raj.
Howard: Never gets old… Okay, there is something I want, but it's not a big deal.
Bernadette: What is it?
Howard: Well, Comic-Con tickets go on sale this Friday, and I was hoping I could go with the guys. But before you say anything, I'll make up for being gone by doing everything around here… I mean everything. I'm even gonna answer for you. Yes, Howard, you can go.
Bernadette: It's so hard to say no to you.
Howard: Thank you.
Bernadette: So I'll say maybe.
Howard: What? Why?
Bernadette: You said tickets don't go on sale till Friday, right?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: You said you were gonna do all this stuff for me, right?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: See where I'm going with this?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: If you don't know how to make lasagna, Google does.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment: living room
Leonard: Okay, so this is the main Comic-Con floor. It's where all the vendors and exhibits are.
Penny: Wow, that is a lot of people jammed in there.
Leonard: I know. Sometimes Howard wears a striped shirt so we can play "Where's Wolowitz?" Okay, now, Th-this is us camping out in line for the Avengers panel.
Penny: Oh, you really sleep on the sidewalk, huh?
Leonard: Yeah. It can get chilly, but Raj figured out that if you pee in a bottle and put it in your sleeping bag, it helps keep you warm… Here's the hotel room we all share.
Penny: Well, you and I would get our own room, right?
Leonard: Every hotel is booked. But, yeah, see this space here between Sheldon's feet and my head? That's where you go.
Penny: Well, it's no different than when Sheldon used to climb in bed with us during a thunderstorm.
Leonard: Don't worry, we won't be doing much sleeping anyway. It's like an all-night party. There's trivia contests and Dungeons & Dragons. As we like to say, it's "off the chain mail."
Comic Book Center
Leonard: I even said "off the chain mail," and she still wants to go.
Sheldon: That's probably my fault. She may have heard about my cool Dumbledore costume.
Stuart: Okay, I can give you 20 bucks for the whole box.
Raj: But you charged me hundreds for this stuff.
Stuart: I know. And I did it with a straight face.
Raj: But I need to earn enough money so I can go to Comic-Con.
Stuart: Well... All right… I'll give you 25 bucks. That's my best offer.
Raj: I have no choice.
Stuart: You know, if you want to make extra money, I-I could throw some work your way.
Raj: Really? I'll do anything.
Stuart: Great, you're hired. First thing you can do is put price tags on these. Start the little ones at $50.
Penny’s car
Penny: You know, it's no big deal. I can put up with anything for three days.
Amy: Comic-Con's five days.
Penny: Are you kidding me?
Amy: Why don't you just tell him you don't want to go?
Penny: I can't, it'll break his heart. You know, he's always making an effort to do things with me he doesn't enjoy, like going outside.
Amy: He is an indoor cat.
Penny: You know, maybe it won't be that bad. Leonard says it's really mainstream now. Comic books aren't just for sad nerds anymore… I mean, it is still a key part of their demographic.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: porch
Bernadette: Howie, can you get that?
Howard: Kind of busy.
Bernadette: Busy like I'll be with the baby if you go to San Diego?
Howard: Hey.
Raj: What's with the gloves?
Howard: They complete my ensemble.
Raj: What do you want? I'm looking to make extra money and was wondering if you had any chores I could do.
Howard: Hang on. Bernie, can I outsource my chores to an Indian guy?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: I tried.
Penny and Leonard’s apartment: kitchen
Leonard: Hey, I was thinking, if you want to do a couples costume, we could paint ourselves green and be Hulk and She-Hulk. Or we could paint ourselves blue and go as Nightcrawler and Mystique.
Penny: Is there any scenario where we're not in full body paint?
Leonard: Yeah, if you want us to look like losers.
Penny: Hey, um, are you sure the guys are okay with me coming?
Leonard: Yeah, of course, why?
Penny: This is just something you usually do together, and if I'm screwing it up, I don't have to go.
Leonard: Oh, why? Do you not want to go?
Penny: Why? Do you not want me to go?
Leonard: No, I want you to go.
Penny: Okay, good, 'cause that's what I want, too.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Leonard: Now we're going as Hulk and She-Hulk. I don't want to take my shirt off at Comic-Con.
Sheldon: If I may speak for Comic-Con, we don't want that either.
Leonard: Is that nice?
Sheldon: No, but it's honest, and it sounds like you could use a little more honesty in your relationship.
Leonard: Uh, i-it's more complicated than that.
Sheldon: I'm always honest with Amy. The other day she said she was self-conscious about the beauty mark on her shoulder, and I said, "You know, you can call that a beauty mark all you want. When there's hair growing out of it, that's a mole."
Leonard: Do you think she's as honest with you?
Sheldon: I should hope so. When she called me an insensitive jerk, I'd like to think she meant it.
Bernadette and Howard’s house: kitchen
Howard: There's got to be other ways you can make a quick buck.
Raj: Yeah, you'd think. Ooh, maybe I could sell my blood and sperm.
Bernadette: I really should wear a bell around my neck so you guys can hear me coming.
Raj: Here, let me help you.
Bernadette: Thank you.
Raj: Oh, Double Stuf Oreos, I remember when I could afford you.
Bernadette: There she goes.
Raj: Stay, I'll get her.
Bernadette: Appreciate it.
Raj: That's fine. She and I can cry together.
Bernadette: He's such a sweetie.
Howard: I know, I wish there was some way we could help him.
Bernadette: If he could find a girl with a good job, all his problems would be over.
Howard: Yeah, that's working out great for me.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Amy: Penny says they're ready to go.
Sheldon: Very well. Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?
Amy: Wait, wait, wait, what's Leonard lying about?
Sheldon: He doesn't really want Penny to go to Comic-Con. He's just doing it to make her happy.
Amy: Really? Because she doesn't actually want to go. She's just doing it to make him happy.
Sheldon: So they're both trying to make each other happy, and the end result is they make each other sad? That's hilarious… I can't wait to tell them.
Threshold
Amy: No, you're not gonna tell them anything. You're gonna stay out of it.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because it's between them.
Sheldon: Well, if you haven't noticed, I've been between them for the last ten years.
Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Hi.
Penny: Hey, babe, you want to drive?
Leonard: Sure, or you can.
Penny: No, it's fine, I know you don't like the way I drive.
Leonard: I don't have a problem with your driving. Are you listening to this?
Sheldon: They deceive each other about everything.
Amy: Shh.
Stairs
Penny: Just so you know, that guy in the parking lot hit me.
Leonard: He wasn't in a car, but okay.
Penny: Just say you want to drive.
Leonard: I honestly don't.
Penny: Amy, do us a favour, please drive.
Amy: Sure, happy to.
Leonard: If you want to drive, just drive. I don't see why this has to be so complicated.
Penny: It's not complicated. Amy's driving, that's it!
Leonard: That's not it because you're clearly upset.
Penny: You're the one who seems upset.
Leonard: Why would I be upset?
Amy: Because you don't want her to go to Comic-Con!
Sheldon: This is an interesting way to stay out of it.
Penny: Wait, you don't want me to go?
Leonard: Well, I just don't think you're gonna have a good time.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, get this: neither does Penny, that's why she doesn't want to go. You set 'em up, I knock 'em down, good job.
Leonard: Why would you say you wanted to go if you didn't?
Penny: I just thought it would make you happy.
Leonard: O-O-O-Okay, hold on, so if you don't want to go and I don't need to bring you, is everything good?
Penny: Hold on, I'm trying to decide if I'm mad at you… No, I'm happy I don't have to go.
Leonard: All right, problem solved.
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Not entirely, the fight over who's going to drive is still...
Amy: Oh, my God, stop talking!
Bernadette and Howard’s house: living room
Amy: The place looks great. Did you guys get a maid?
Bernadette: Kind of.
Howard: Dinner's almost ready. If you like meatloaf, I'm sure you'll like its cousin, bowl of meat.
Penny: Hey, if you're still looking to make money, I will pay you to burn that jacket.
Raj: Thank you, but it doesn't look like I'm going to Comic-Con this year.
Sheldon: Well, with as much debt as you have, probably not next year either.
Bernadette: Howie?
Howard: Sure. This is for you.
Raj: What's this?
Bernadette: It's back pay for all the babysitting and taking care of Halley you've done.
Howard: There's more than enough in there to cover Comic-Con.
Stuart: Um, I also take care of Halley.
Bernadette: And you live here for free.
Stuart: I do, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.
Raj: This is so generous of you, I-I, um, I don't know what to say.
Leonard: Now you can come with us.
Penny: Yeah, there's room in the bed by Sheldon's feet.
Raj: As much as I appreciate this, I can't accept it. Okay? Halley's my goddaughter, I don't take care of her for money.
Stuart: I would.
Bernadette: Keep it. Consider it a gift.
Sheldon: Hold on. Is it back pay or is it a gift?
Bernadette: What's the difference?
Sheldon: When the IRS questions us in separate rooms, we need to have our stories straight.
Raj: It doesn't matter. I'm not keeping this. I'm trying to pay my own way and be responsible. Taking handouts won't help that.
Amy: So you're not going to Comic-Con?
Raj: I've been plenty of times. If I miss one, it's fine. I'm a big boy.
Sheldon: I'm a big boy, and if I missed one, I'd throw a big-boy tantrum.
Leonard: You know what? I've gone 12 times. Maybe I'll sit out this year, too.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yeah. Maybe you and I can do something fun that weekend.
Penny: Ooh, how about white-water rafting?
Leonard: Oh... How about we compromise and go on the Small World ride at Disneyland?
Howard: You know what, I'm not gonna go either. I'm a father now. I'd rather spend time with my family.
Bernadette: You just don't want to go alone with Sheldon.
Howard: I'm gonna go check on dinner.
Amy: Sounds like everyone's staying home. What do you say?
Sheldon: Nuts to that, I'm going to Comic-Con!
Amy: By yourself?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends.
Stuart: I'll go with you.
Sheldon: That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July.
Amy and Sheldon’s apartment
Sheldon: There's my pretty girlfriend.
Amy: I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: What? Can't a man just be happy to see his woman and pat her on her second most erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
Amy: He can, but it's still not changing my mind.
Sheldon: Well, maybe what's in my pants will change your mind… It's a list of this year's panellists… It's long, isn't it?
