Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room
Leonard: Guys, tickets already went on sale!
Sheldon: What?!
Howard: They're not supposed to be available yet.
Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, but they're on sale!
Raj: What? Wait. You're sure they're Star Wars tickets?
Leonard: No, it's Steel Magnolias 2: Even Steelier.
Sheldon: The Web site's frozen. I can't get in!
Howard: Yeah, me, too.
Leonard: Same here!
Raj: Guys, they're gonna sell out!
Howard: What are we gonna do?!
Sheldon: All right, this goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Lord... This is Sheldon Cooper. You're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist.
Howard: Got 'em!
Sheldon: And I will continue to do so!
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: kitchn
Penny: I'm really happy you and Amy are back together.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you.
Leonard: I'm also really happy, but I can't pretend it's for you. New Star Wars in three days!
Sheldon: Hey, Thursday can't get here soon enough. I'm taking off work to watch the original trilogy while I eat enough Star Wars cereal to choke a Wookiee.
Penny: Uh, sweetie, you do realize Thursday is Amy's birthday.
Sheldon: And you do realize I bought my ticket when Amy and I were broken up? I hope you didn't need anything in that case, 'cause it's closed.
Penny: You guys just got back together. You might not want to ditch her on her birthday.
Leonard: I think Penny has a point. You can see it another day.
Sheldon: But someone might spoil the movie. No one can spoil Amy's birthday for me. Surprise! She's even older. Who saw that coming?
Penny: Oh, that's nice. Put that on her cake.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: Sheldon’s bedroom
Arthur: Oh, great. This again.
Sheldon: Arthur, what brings you back?
Arthur: Uh, beats me. I-I just... Hope this isn't a-a sex dream.
Sheldon: In the past, you've come to me when I'm struggling with a dilemma.
Arthur: And-and the one time where... Where you were afraid, and you needed me for... For a night light… What's-what's troubling you?
Sheldon: Well... My friends are telling me I shouldn't abandon my girlfriend on her birthday to see the new Star Wars movie.
Arthur: Well, sounds right. Can... Can I get out of this... Muumuu now?
Sheldon: Those are the robes of the Jedi, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy.
Arthur: And they... They-they don't wear underwear.
Sheldon: So, you agree with my friends that I should skip the premiere?
Arthur: Uh, do... Do you love this girl?
Sheldon: Yes. But she knows how important Star Wars is to me.
Arthur: Well, maybe you should show her how... How important she is to you.
Sheldon: By seeing the movie she'd want me to see?
Arthur: Sheldon, you-you can see this movie whenever you want. But you only have a limited number of days that you-you can be with this woman… Be with her.
Sheldon: You're right.
Arthur: Great.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Arthur: I don't know, but hopefully, somewhere I can wear pants.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: Sheldon’s bedroom / Amy’s apartment: bedroom
Amy: Sheldon, what's wrong?
Sheldon: I wanted to let you know I'll be spending your birthday with you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: See, I-I had tickets to the Star Wars premiere that night, but Professor Proton came to me in a dream dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi and convinced me I should be with you.
Amy: Obi-what?
Sheldon: I'll-I'll let you get back to sleep now. Good night.
Amy: Okay. Good night. Wait. Um, Sheldon, were you actually not gonna spend my birthday with me?
Sheldon: It's late. Got to go. Bye.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room
Raj: Good for Sheldon deciding to stay with Amy on her birthday.
Leonard: I know. It's still gonna be weird to see the movie without him.
Howard: Well, we could wait a couple days and see it together.
Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey. We're going to the comic book store. You want to come?
Sheldon: No, I can't. I need to make preparations for Amy's birthday. Which leads me to the following bit of business. This is my ticket to Star Wars. I don't have to tell you it is worth far more than its face value of $15.50. I trust you'll give it to someone worthy.
Leonard: You got it. Well, Penny might want to join us.
Sheldon: This is my ticket to Star Wars.
Penny’s apartment: kitchen
Sheldon: Penny. Penny? Penny?
Bernadette: What happens if I say, “Come in”?
Penny: Well, find out.
Bernadette: Come in!
Sheldon: Bernadette? Bernadette? Bernadette?
Penny: Come in!
Sheldon: Keep it up. I got nowhere else to be.
Bernadette: Just come in.
Sheldon: For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls, I'll stream it on Netflix.
Penny: We're sorry. What do you need?
Sheldon: Well, as you know, I'll be celebrating Amy's birthday with her, and I could use your assistance in helping me select the perfect gift.
Bernadette: Sure.
Sheldon: Well, so far, I've come up with three ideas. The first is a chance for her to play the harp with the L.A. Philharmonic.
Penny: Wow. You can really arrange that?
Sheldon: Well, I said a chance, you know. When you tell them it's your birthday at Bennigan's, they make a fuss. I don't see why the Philharmonic would be any different.
Bernadette: How about something a little more realistic?
Sheldon: Well, Amy enjoys knitting her own sweaters, so I was thinking of getting her an all-expense-paid trip to the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool Festival.
Penny: Sorry. I was waiting for the bazinga.
Bernadette: Hold on. It could be romantic. The two of them away together, keeping each other warm in snowy Wisconsin.
Sheldon: No, no, no, no. She'd be going alone. Well, if you think I'm afraid of birds, you should see me around sheep.
Penny: Okay, well, what's the third option?
Sheldon: That I have coitus with her.
Comic Books Center
Leonard: What do you think about giving Sheldon's ticket to Stuart?
Raj: I don't know. Have you ever seen a movie with Stuart before?
Howard: It's like going with your grandpa… Instead of eating popcorn, he brings little pieces of chicken in Tupperware and a thermos full of soup.
Leonard: He's not that bad. Hey, Stuart, got any plans Thursday night?
Stuart: My, uh... My doctor's worried about my circulation, so I was thinking about walking around the mall… Why?
Leonard: Well...
Wil Wheaton: Hey, you guys.
Howard: Oh, make sure to wear sensible shoes. Wil, want to go to Star Wars Thursday?
Wil Wheaton: Absolutely.
Stuart: Fine, take Wil. See if he brings you clam chowder.
Penny’s apartment: kitchen
Penny: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's-let's... Let's just recap our options. All right, we've got harp thing, sheep thing...
Bernadette: Wild thing.
Sheldon: Which do you think she'd prefer? Because I checked the Sheep and Wool Festival Web site, and there's only 8,000 tickets left.
Penny: Sheldon, being physical with Amy is a huge step for you.
Bernadette: Yeah, are you ready for this?
Sheldon: Intimacy in any form has been challenging for me, but I'd like to show her how important she is, and it feels like now might be the right time.
Penny: Sheldon, that's so beautiful.
Sheldon: Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals.
Building: threshold
Amy: Thanks for taking me out.
Penny: Well, you're spending your birthday with Sheldon. Why not celebrate early?
Bernadette: So where do you want to go?
Building: stairs
Amy: I heard that new Mexican place on Green Street is good.
Penny: Sure, sure. Or we could take you to get a bikini wax.
Amy: Why would I get a bikini wax for my birthday?
Penny: Uh, I don't know. It was just a thought.
Amy: I think I'll just stick to Mexican.
Bernadette: Great. And then maybe after, we can watch a dirty movie, and if anybody has any questions about what happened or how, we can answer them.
Amy: Okay, what is going on?
Penny: Oh, we just want you to be prepared for any surprises that might happen tomorrow.
Amy: What surprises?
Penny: Oh.
Bernadette: We don't want to spoil anything, but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical.
Amy: You shut your damn mouth! You actually heard him say this?
Penny: Yes. He said he wants to do something to show you how much you mean to him.
Amy: I-I can't believe it. I... I don't know what to say.
Bernadette: Well, we're really happy for you, and we know how much he cares...
Amy: I do know what to say! Let's get me waxed!
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: Sheldon’s bedroom
Arthur: Why isn't it ever Angie Dickinson's bedroom?
Sheldon: You're back.
Arthur: It-it doesn't seem like it's up to me.
Sheldon: I suppose you're here because... I've decided to be physical with my girlfriend, and I've never done that before.
Arthur: E-Excuse me for a moment… Well, it was worth a shot.
Sheldon: So, can you help me?
Arthur: Uh, all right. Um... Once-once the man gets the-the woman out of her... Out of her bloomers...
Sheldon: Oh, no. Not that. I-I understand the mechanics.
Arthur: Oh, good, good. 'Cause, uh, I have no idea what kids these days are... Calling their-their parts.
Sheldon: I think they say “junk.”
Arthur: What is happening to this world? What-what do you actually need to know?
Sheldon: This is an important night for us, and I'm worried I might be overwhelmed and ruin everything.
Arthur: Sheldon, if-if you're with the right person, it-it'll be okay.
Sheldon: Thank you, Arthur. You are the wisest of the wise.
Arthur: Well, that's-that's very nice of you to say, but I think I'm just an expression of... Of your unconscious mind.
Sheldon: Oh, sure. Yeah. Well, you're fun to look at.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room
Raj: Tonight's the night!
Leonard: Yeah, the wait is finally over!
Penny: I know. Then you'll finally stop talking about it!
Howard: Ready to go?
Raj: Let's do this.
Penny: Have fun, guys!
Leonard: We will.
Raj: I can't believe Sheldon gave this up.
Leonard: I know. We're gonna have so much more fun than him.
Bernadette: No, they're not.
Penny: Knowing them, they will.
Movie
Howard: T minus 15 minutes!
Raj: Oh, did you hear from Wil?
Leonard: Yeah, he's on his way. Time for bladder check.
Raj: Check.
Leonard: Check.
Howard: Check. Wait. Screw it. I'm holding it.
Raj: What is everyone booing at?
Wil Wheaton: Hey, guys. What's up?
Leonard: Um, hey, Wil. What you doing?
Wil Wheaton: I was on Star Trek. I'm just rooting for the home team.
Guy: Star Trek stinks!
Wil Wheaton: Yeah? Live long and suck it!
Amy’s apartment: living room
Sheldon: Birthday girl. Birthday girl. Birthday girl.
Amy: Come in!
Sheldon: Oh!
Amy: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello. Sorry I'm late. I also got you a balloon, but it floated away, and I chased it for a while.
Amy: That's okay. Come on in. Thank you.
Sheldon: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Um, I'll... I'm gonna go put these in water.
Sheldon: Okay. Ooh, this is different, hmm? Candles and music.
Amy: Do you like it?
Sheldon: It's kind of spooky.
Amy: I can change it back.
Sheldon: No, no, no. It's your birthday. As long as no one jumps out in a hockey mask, I'll be fine.
Amy: So... What'd you have in mind for tonight?
Sheldon: I thought I could take you out to a nice birthday dinner. If we pick a place east of here, we might find the balloon.
Amy: Um, that sounds nice, but... I'm not really hungry right now. I thought maybe... We could do presents first.
Sheldon: Oh… All right… Um... I should probably tell you something about this gift.
Amy: You mean before you... Give it to me?
Sheldon: Yes. May I ask you a question before I... Give it to you?
Amy: Of course.
Sheldon: Why are we saying “give it to you” like that?
Amy: Sheldon, I know your present is... For us to be intimate tonight.
Sheldon: I see. Is that all right? I'm sorry, but this is a litigious society. I'm gonna need verbal consent.
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: You know what, let me pull a quick contract off the Internet.
Movie
Leonard: So, if you don't like Star Wars, why are you here?
Wil Wheaton: Oh, I'm just having fun. Everyone takes Star Wars so seriously. Like if the movie's bad, it's gonna ruin their lives.
Raj: Is it bad? Did you hear something? Oh, my God. It's bad. Somebody kill me.
Wil Wheaton: See? That's what I mean. When you wake up in the morning, whether this is the greatest movie ever or a total piece of crap, your life isn't gonna change at all.
Howard: He's right.
Leonard: Yeah. No matter what happens, we're coming back tomorrow to watch it again.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room
Bernadette: Do you think Sheldon's actually gonna go through with it?
Penny: I don't know. He said he's ready.
Bernadette: Yeah, but he also swore this was the year he'd be able to pull the guts out of a pumpkin.
Penny: Well, I'm gonna stay positive. I mean, we talked. I told him what women like, and after he stopped giggling, he seemed pretty sure of himself.
Amy’s apartment: bedroom
Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: So, um... Should I get under the covers with you?
Sheldon: All right.
Amy: Hello.
Sheldon: Hi! Why are you shaking? Are you cold?
Amy: I'm just, um... Really nervous.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Well... I've been waiting for this for so long, I've just... Built it up in my head. I don't know what to expect.
Sheldon: Neither do I. But... We can find out together.
Amy: Okay.
Movie
Leonard: I'm really nervous.
Howard: I know. We've been waiting so long for this.
Raj: And we've built it up in our heads so much.
Wil Wheaton: Guys, it's just a movie.
Leonard: That's true.
Howard: He's right.
Raj: It is.
Wil Wheaton: Although, we all remember Jar Jar.
Raj: Leonard, I-I'm scared again.
Amy’s apartment: living room
Sheldon: Well, I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.
Amy: Me, too.
Sheldon: I look forward to your next birthday when we do it again.
Amy: That works for me.
Movie
Wil Wheaton: I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.
Raj: I don't think I can walk right now.
Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: Sheldon’s bedroom
Arthur: Uh, Sheldon? Sheldon.
Sheldon: Arthur. What are you doing here? I-I don't think I need any more advice.
Arthur: I-I was just curious. How-How'd it go?
Sheldon: Oh. It was amazing. I-I saw it a few days later. What a movie!
Arthur: But, uh, what-what about Amy?
Sheldon: Oh. Uh, uh, she liked it fine. But she doesn't have the history with the franchise I do.
Arthur: Okay. Good... Good talk.
