Épisode Un engagement pas très engageant S08E03 - The Big Bang Theory Saison 8

Chez Léonard, Howard s'entraîne à jouer au baseball sur une console de jeux vidéo, avec Raj. On apprend que les Anges de Los Angeles, l'équipe de baseball de LA, a demandé un astronaute pour lancer la première balle lors de la Journée de l'Espace. Les autres étant absents, c'est à Howard que revient cet honneur. Penny le félicite et souligne qu'il est le plus athlétique du groupe. Sheldon la contredit : ils sont tous inscrits dans l'équipe de Quidditch de Griffith Park. Penny rigole en s'imaginant Léonard courir avec un balai entre les jambes. Raj continue de s'en prendre à Howard.

De retour d'un dîner, Sheldon demande à Amy si elle a apprécié son discours. Elle lui répond que ni elle, ni le serveur, ne l'ont apprécié. Il a fait un speech sur le Cornish Game Hen et sur la ville de Cornwall, reprochant au serveur de ne pas être assez cultivé. Ils entrent dans l'appartement et racontent brièvement l'histoire à Penny et Léonard, ce dernier a pitié pour le serveur. Amy leur propose un cinéma le lendemain, Sheldon ajoute qu'il doit rattraper le nombre de rendez-vous qu'il a manqué lors de sa fuite durant l'été, comme le précise leur contrat de relation. Penny se moque en disant que ce n'est pas très sexy, Amy ajoute que c'est mieux que ça : c'est obligatoire.

Bernadette masse le bras douloureux de Howard après sa partie de jeu vidéo. Il se plaint, mais elle lui rappelle qu'il ne faisait que brasser de l'air. Elle est impressionnée qu'il se sente capable de faire un lancer devant un stade plein de personnes. Honneur dit que c'est un véritable honneur. Bernadette lui propose de le coacher car elle a joué longtemps au softball. Elle lui dit qu'il devrait aussi apprendre à courir correctement, il ne comprend pas, on voit Bernadette se diriger vers la chambre en faisant une imitation de sa façon de courir.

Penny se prépare et avoue qu'elle est surprise que Sheldon accepte qu'ils aillent dans un bar. Il lui dit qu'il n'aimait pas l'idée d'Amy, un pique-nique, et qu'il sait que le bar sert du pudding de Yorkshire, et qu'il veut pouvoir parler au serveur du Yorkshire, en Angleterre. Ils ont donc opté pour le pub en votant à l'unanimité, Léonard plaisante sur le fait que la bureaucratie existe même au sein du couple. Sheldon rétorque que Léonard est juste jaloux de sa relation avec Amy. Penny pense que c'est une blague et qu'il va dire "Bazooka ou un truc du genre", mais Sheldon avoue avoir fait un classement des meilleurs couples du groupe : lui et Amy, Howard et Bernie, Raj et Emily, Penny et le Chardonnay, Penny et Léonard. Léonard affirme qu'on ne peut pas classer des relations, et que la sienne n'est pas la plus mauvaise. Penny, elle, dit que ce n'est pas du Chardonnay mais du Sauvignon Blanc.

Au gymnase, Howard avoue qu'il n'a jamais joué au baseball, plus occupé à regarder la collection de Playboy de son père. Quand Bernadette lui montre la distance à laquelle il doit tirer, il est surpris et pense qu'elle exagère.

En route pour le restaurant, Sheldon continune d'exposer à Léonard pourquoi lui et Amy font un meilleur couple. Son ami se refuse à y croire, mais Sheldon en semble réellement convaincu. Penny commence à s'énerver des questions de Léonard, elle se fiche de ce que Sheldon pense.

Au gymnase, Howard s'échauffe, fait semblant de lancer la balle, s'échauffe à nouveau, ainsi desuite jusqu'à ce que Bernadette finisse par lui ordonner de la lancer.

Au bar, Penny explique qu'elle n'a pas fixé la date du mariage car elle veut attendre assez longtemps pour prouver à sa mère qu'elle n'est pas enceinte. Sheldon continue à quantifier les relations, ce qui énèrve Léonard. Il veut faire le test mathématiques dont Sheldon parle, pour évaluer son couple, ce qui énerve Penny, qui finit par se lever de table et aller au bar.

Au gymnase, Howard fait une tentative désastreuse de lancer. Lorsqu'il se prend la balle dans le pied, il pleure.

Léonard rejoint Penny, elle lui explique qu'elle ne veut pas faire le test, car en cas d'un mauvais résultat, ils mettraient leur relation en péril. Elle lui dit qu'elle se fait déjà du soucis qu'ils n'aient pas grand chose en commun, Léonard avoue être dans le même cas. A table, Sheldon et Amy mange en silence.

Howard demande des conseils à Mike Massimo via skype. Il lui conseille de ne pas aller au lancer : s'il réussit, tout le monde s'en fichera, mais s'il rate, il sera en vidéo sur youtube jusqu'à la fin de sa vie. Il le taquine en l'appelant Froot Loops, et lui dit qu'il se demande comment il a pu épouser une fille aussi ravissante que Bernie, qu'il voit sur l'écran.

Au bar, Amy s'excuse auprès de ses amis, mais Sheldon est content d'avoir gagné, il va même jusqu'à proposer de faire rentrer Raj et son chien dans le classement. Penny décide alors de faire le test, mais Léonard refuse : le mariage fait peur, mais ça ne veut pas dire qu'ils ne peuvent pas le faire. Il veut que Penny et lui se tiennent la main face à leurs problèmes. Penny est touchée, et Amy aimerait que Sheldon lui dise des choses comme ça. Sheldon rétorque qu'ils ont 8.2 / 10 et qu'elle devrait le croire, ils sont heureux.

Vient enfin le match tant attendu, l'équipe est réunie pour voir Howard, Sheldon contre son grés : il veut aller voir la parade de Mickey à Disneyland. Sur le terrain, Bernadettet dit à Howard qu'elle est fier de lui. Il commence son discours et dit qu'il pensait réussir, qu'il s'est entraîné et a échoué. Comme c'est un scientifique, et en ce jour de la Science, il a fait venir le Mars Rover, un prototype qui a été sur Mars, pour envoyer la balle. La foule commence à être un peu déçue. Ce n'est pas fini : la machine n'est pas conçue pour rouler sur des surfaces herborées, elle n'avance que très lentement, pas suffisament pour prendre de les lents et lancer... Les gens se mettent à huer Howard, qui s'en veut de ne pas avoir prévu ça. Sheldon propose d'aller à Disneyland et de revenir voir le lancer ensuite.

Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room

Howard: So, how does this game work? I just throw it, like a real ball?

Leonard: Yeah, just nice and easy, right over the plate.

Howard: All right.

Raj: You suck, Wolowitz!

Howard: What's that about?

Raj: I'm heckling you. It's a beloved part of baseball.

Sheldon: He's right. And given that you're probably still waiting to be picked for a game that was played in fifth grade, I'm sure you do suck.

Penny: Hi. What's going on?

Leonard: Baseball.

Penny: Okay, this is not what I meant when I said go outside and play.

Leonard: He's practicing.

Penny: For what?

Howard: The Angels wanted an astronaut to throw out the first pitch, so guess who they called?

Penny: What, you? Really?!

Howard: Well, a lot of people who weren't available, but then me!

Penny: That's so cool! Congratulations. I guess that makes you the athlete of the group.

Sheldon: Well, not just him! May I remind you that you're talking to the seeker, beater, chaser and water boy of the third place Griffith Park Quidditch team.

Penny: I know. Watching your boyfriend run around with a broomstick between his legs isn't something you forget.

Leonard: C'mon now, throw one.

Howard: All right, here we go.

Raj: You look like a jackass!

Howard: Cut it out! You're hurting my feelings!

Leonard: Now you know why we're not outside.

Building: stairs

Sheldon: Did you enjoy my lecture?

Amy: No, and neither did our waiter.

Sheldon: Well, if you're going to serve Cornish game hen, you should either be familiar with the history of Cornwall or be prepared to learn it.

Amy: It's hard to argue with that. And I know because I saw a sad man with a pepper mill desperately try and fail.

Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment: living room

Penny: Hey, how was dinner?

Sheldon: Good, I had Cornish game hen.

Leonard: Oh, that poor waiter.

Amy: Sheldon, how about tomorrow night we see a movie?

Penny: You guys are going out two nights in a row?

Sheldon: I missed a number of date nights while I was on my train trip, and I'm contractually obligated to make them up under the terms of the Relationship Agreement.

Penny: That's so hot.

Amy: It's better than hot, it's binding.

Sheldon: If you're free tomorrow night, I'd love to have you join us on a double date.

Penny: Aw...

Amy: You are aware that a double date doesn't count as two dates.

Sheldon: Oh… Well, then come or don't. I don't care.

Howard and Bernadette’s apartment: living room

Bernadette: I can't believe you're sore.

Howard: Hey, even professional pitchers need a rubdown after the game.

Bernadette: But they throw an actual ball. You were throwing air at a TV.

Howard: For your information, I also gave Leonard one hell of a high five.

Bernadette: I'm kind of surprised you agreed to do this in front of a stadium full of people.

Howard: They're doing Space Day and NASA asked me. I felt like I couldn't say no.

Bernadette: Okay. Well, if you want, I could help you practice. I played a lot of softball growing up.

Howard: Thank you, that would be great.

Bernadette: Great. And while we're at it, maybe we could butch up your run for when you head out to the mound.

Howard: What's wrong with the way I run?

Bernadette: Oh, just kidding. Nothing.

Penny’s apartment

Penny: Sheldon, I'm surprised you'd choose to go to a pub.

Sheldon: At our committee meeting, Amy made a motion for a picnic in a park, but I tacked so many amendments on that thing it sank like a lead balloon.

Amy: I then suggested a pub.

Sheldon: Yeah, which I was initially skeptical of until I saw online that they serve Yorkshire pudding.

Leonard: You don't even like Yorkshire pudding.

Sheldon: No, it's yucky, but informing people about the history of Yorkshire is yummy, yum-yum.

Building: threshold

Amy: After a lively debate, that proposal passed by a two-zero margin.

Leonard: Nice to see a busy couple keep the spark of bureaucracy alive.

Building: stairs

Sheldon: Ignore them, Amy. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.

Penny: Isn't this when he says “bazooka” or something?

Sheldon: I wasn't making a joke, I was merely stating fact. Amy and I have a superior relationship to yours.

Leonard: You don't honestly think that, do you?

Sheldon: Y... Leonard, I assumed you knew. The ranking of relationships in our circle by quality is: me and Amy, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his girlfriend, Penny and Chardonnay, Penny and you.

Leonard: There isn't any ranking. And if there were, we wouldn't be at the bottom of it.

Penny: Yeah, and actually, I drink Sauvignon Blanc.

Leonard: That's the part you have a problem with?

Penny: Relax.

Amy: There they go, fighting again. You'd never hear her talk that way to Sauvignon Blanc.

Gym

Raj: So you never played baseball as a kid, not even Little League?

Howard: Well, I was going to, but the day of tryouts I found my dad's Playboy collection… Threw my arm out.

Bernadette: All right, the pitcher's mound in Major League Baseball is 60 feet, six inches away from home plate.

Howard: Great. You take this and say when to stop… How much further?

Bernadette: Keep going.

Howard: How about now?

Bernadette: I'll let you know.

Howard: Are you saying “stop” and we're just too far away to hear you?

Bernadette: Okay, stop.

Howard: Are you kidding me?!

Bernadette: That's 60 feet.

Howard: There's no way this is 60 feet.

Bernadette: I'm looking at it.

Howard: You realize this isn't one of those times I want you to exaggerate how long something is.

Amy’s car

Leonard: Okay, I got to... I-I just... I got to ask: what makes you think that your relationship is so wonderful and ours isn't?

Sheldon: For starters, we enjoy spending time together.

Leonard: So do we. And I've seen you guys ignore each other for hours doing totally different things.

Sheldon: It's called parallel play.

Leonard: Yeah, toddlers do that.

Sheldon: Not as well as we do.

Leonard: You believe this guy? He has to be the best at everything.

Penny: So what? Why do you even care?

Sheldon: Oh, listen to them. Not even married and the honeymoon's over.

Leonard: Whatever. You can't even go on a date without checking your relationship agreement.

Sheldon: If you've got a problem basing a relationship on a contract, I'd like to tell you about 13 plucky colonies that entered a “relationship agreement” called the U.S. Constitution… And it may not be cool to say so, but I think that love affair is still pretty hot today.

Amy: It's a good thing I'm not wearing flag underwear right now, 'cause there's about to be a fire.

Gym

Bernadette: Okay, it's not that hard. You just look to where you want to throw it, step towards where you want to throw, and throw it.

Howard: That's your help? That's like saying, “Here's how you fly a plane: get in the airplane, know where you want to go and fly it.”

Bernadette: Just throw the ball. Let's see what we're working with.

Raj: Come on Howard, fire it in.

Bernadette: Throw the damn ball!

Pub

Amy: So when do you guys plan on getting married?

Penny: Uh, we're not sure. But I want to wait long enough to prove to my mother I'm not pregnant.

Sheldon: May I have one of your fries?

Amy: Of course. Can I have a bite of your burger?

Sheldon: Absolutely not.

Leonard: Some perfect couple. He won't even share his food with her.

Sheldon: It has avocado on it. She's allergic to avocado. Are you so jealous of our relationship you want Amy to die?

Leonard: I'm not jealous. I just think it's silly for you to compare relationships like they're something that can be quantified.

Sheldon: Everything is quantifiable. That French fry? A seven. Spider-Man? A nine. The number nine-- oddly, only a four.

Leonard: How ridiculous is he?

Penny: A hundred.

Leonard: Sheldon, you're just assigning random numbers to things based on your opinion.

Sheldon: No, I'm not. French fries have three variables-- crispiness, saltiness and shape. Which is why a curly fry only gets a two. If I wanted curls for dinner, I'd order a clown wig.

Penny: Well, a relationship is more complicated than a French fry.

Sheldon: Not according to the work of Berscheid, Snyder and Omoto.

Penny: Oh, what did those rascals do now?

Amy: They developed the Relationship Closeness Inventory, which predicts the stability of a couple based on behavior.

Sheldon: Yeah, not to be confused with the French Fry Goodness Inventory. That's pure Cooper.

Leonard: So, this is accurate?

Sheldon: It's been around for 25 years, and has been extensively corroborated by other researchers.

Penny: Well, kind of takes the romance out of relationships.

Sheldon: Kind of? It does it perfectly.

Amy: Sheldon and I got an eight-point-two out of ten.

Leonard: Fine. We'll take it right now.

Penny: No, don't.

Leonard: What?

Penny: Just don't take it.

Leonard: Why not?

Penny: 'Cause it's stupid. Who cares what number it is?

Leonard: Come on. It'll be fun.

Penny: I said I don't want you to. I'm getting another drink.

Leonard: Sorry.

Amy: I'm gonna let you count this as two dates. They're a lot of work.

Gym

Bernadette: Think he's getting any better?

Raj: Yup.

Howard: That was a close one!

Bernadette: Okay!

Raj: Is it too late for him to cancel?

Bernadette: I think so.

Howard: Heads up! Watch out!

Pub

Leonard: Are you mad at me?

Penny: No, stop being stupid.

Leonard: Um... Whew? Is this about the test, or is this about us?

Penny: Look, I don't need a score on a test to make me worry about something I'm already worried about.

Leonard: What are you worried about?

Penny: That we're engaged and have nothing in common, and it scares me.

Leonard: Yeah, that scares me, too.

Penny: It does?

Leonard: Sometimes.

Penny: Well, that's not good! You being blindly infatuated with me was the rock we were building this relationship on!

Leonard: Okay, well, this might make you feel better. Uh, we're both scared that our marriage will be a disaster, and so, that's something that we have in common… Also, we both think I'm not funny… Huh? See, you're not laughing.

Bernadette and Howard’s apartment: living room

Mike: Hey, Froot Loops, what's up?

Howard: Hey, Mike. Listen, NASA asked me to throw out the first pitch at an Angels game. You got any advice?

Mike: Yeah. Don't do it. What else you up to?

Howard: Why shouldn't I do it?

Mike: There's no upside. If you do well, no one cares. And if you screw up, you're an idiot on YouTube forever.

Howard: But it's for a good cause. What about all the kids that'll be there?

Mike: That's what I'm telling you. Kids are the worst… My own daughter tweeted I have a giant nose.

Howard: Well, maybe I'll do a good job.

Mike: I don't know. In space, you couldn't even toss me a pen, and that was in zero gravity.

Howard: Okay, thanks for the pep talk.

Mike: Anytime, Froot Loops. Give your wife a hug for me. She's so much cuter than you, I don't know how you ever got her.

Bernadette: He's so nice.

Pub

Penny: Hey, sorry about that.

Amy: No, we're sorry. We never should have been comparing relationships in the first place.

Sheldon: Why? We won… You know, I say, next, we take on Koothrappali and his dog. Really give ourselves a challenge.

Leonard: I just want to say one more thing about this. Just because Penny and I are very different people does not mean that we're a bad couple.

Sheldon: The answer is one simple test away. Hmm? You know, it's like when I thought there was a possum in my closet. Did I sit around wondering? No, I sent Leonard in with a pointy stick and a bag.

Leonard: I killed his Chewbacca slippers.

Penny: Let's just take the test.

Leonard: No, no, no, I don't want to.

Penny: Oh, well, 'cause you know we're gonna do bad.

Leonard: Because it doesn't matter. I don't care if we're a ten or a two.

Sheldon: Or a one. A one is possible.

Leonard: Marriage is scary. You're scared, I'm scared. But it doesn't make me not want to do it. It-it just... Makes me want to hold your hand and do it with you.

Penny: Leonard...

Amy: It would make me so happy if you said things like that.

Sheldon: We got an eight-point-two. Trust me, you're happy.

Stadium: tier

Raj: Mm! I love how they put a waterfall at center field. It really ties the whole stadium together.

Penny: Look at you, talking sports.

Leonard: This is fun, huh? We get to see our friend throw out the first pitch, have a hot dog, watch the game.

Sheldon: Whoa… Nobody said anything about watching the game.

Amy: Sheldon, what did you expect?

Sheldon: I expected to see Howard throw the baseball, finish my hot dog, and hightail it across the street to Disneyland just in time for Mickey's Soundsational Parade.

Amy: I'll tell you what. If we stay, I'll buy you cotton candy and a bobblehead.

Sheldon: Who's the bobblehead of?

Amy: Does it matter?

Sheldon: No, as long as it bobbles.

Stadium: baseball field

Bernadette: Howie, I am so proud of you.

Howard: Thanks. I'm proud of me, too.

Bernadette: Mm-hmm.

Man: You ready?

Howard: Let's do it.

Man: All right.

Howard: Wish me luck.

Bernadette: Go get 'em.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in honor of Space Day at Angel Stadium, the first pitch will be thrown out by NASA astronaut Howard Wolowitz.

Howard: Thank you… Thank you.

Stadium: tier

Penny: Can he really throw a ball?

Leonard: On our Quidditch team, he...

Penny: Yeah, that's a “no.”

Stadium: baseball field

Howard: I have a message for the young people here today. When I was asked to throw the first pitch, a little voice in my head said I couldn't do it. So, I practiced and practiced, and you know what? That little voice... Was right, but... Then I remembered that I'm not an athlete… I'm a scientist. So, today's first pitch will be delivered to home plate by science. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I present to you a working prototype of the Mars Rover! And here's the wind-up... And the pitch!

Bernadette: Why is it going so slow?!

Howard: 'Cause I'm an idiot who didn't think this through!

Stadium: tier

Sheldon: Okay, new plan. We go to Disneyland, play hide and seek on Tom Sawyer's Island, and then come back and see the end of the pitch.

Stadium: baseball field

Howard: Okay, while we're waiting for the ball to arrive, here's some fun facts about Mars.

Man: You suck, Wolowitz!

Stadium: tier

Sheldon: He makes a valid point!

Stadium: baseball field

Howard: Okay, booing isn't gonna make it go any faster!